Growing Beyond the Cycles of My Past…

little girlThank goodness we’re adults. As a child, we all went through different struggles. We survived them and hopefully learned from them. But did we overcome them? As an adult anything that causes strife we seek to change or grow past. To do it we used the tools we learned as children to figure out the best course of action to take. What happens if the tools we learned are not at optimum levels? Meaning what happens if you never learned the lesson in your past? What happens when you don’t remember or were not able to understand the message? What if you have never grown past it? For a lot of us that felt the loss of innocence at an early age it is extremely hard to simply move past the pain and learn from….. Sometimes the pain is just too great. For some of us that pain  is still fresh even today, regardless of the fact that time has passed and we are now adults with new futures. little_girl_crying

When we were children the innocence of age kept us from seeing the bad things in life. When that innocence is ripped away by outside factors beyond our control we didn’t necessarily have the tools to deal with the fallout. Poverty, drug abuse, child abuse, mental disease, depression, anxiety and a host of other childhood struggles have shaped the way we are as adults. Another thing was the way that we saw our parents. With the rise of single parents and the insecurities of the economy even our children will be affected.What does it matter? Why should we care about the past? It’s over and done.

Young Woman Biting Her Finger NailWe have all heard the phrase “Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it” (George Santayana). For all of us this simple quote is true. We have to learn from the past. We can not simply afford to keep shoving it in a corner and hoping that time will eventually make it go away. In each and every one of us, there is a little kid hidden under years of supposed maturity. We owe it to that inner child to deal with the issues of childhood so that we can be better women/men, wives, husbands, lovers, friends, acquaintances. Your childhood is not something you can simply place a throw rug over and hope that it disappears. Ladies as a girl if you had issues with self-esteem and image how is it that just because you are technically now over the age of twenty-one you suddenly have become a diva? Did you go through the work of coming to terms with the image you had of yourself or are you now hiding behind a persona? If you are hiding behind the fake you, what happens when the facade fails? A person’s childhood is NOT the cause for ridicule. Don’t be ashamed of who you are or where you came from. Don’t hide it, accept it. In the case of abuse, it was not your fault. You did not deserve it. You don’t have to cover up your past. Yes it happened and it is over now. You survived itdaddy's girl

Some women have ‘daddy issues’ that affect the way they look at the men in their lives. Others are dealing with the absence of a parent and the lack of support from the one present. More and more our younger generation are becoming more emotionally stunted. Some of us women are not sure how to be ladies because we never knew what it was like to be little girls. We grew up too fast and were considered adults or left to our own devices from a very early age. We didn’t have a buffer of immaturity that allowed us to make mistakes and be human. We were stunted and like with all cycles of abuse we are repeating the cycle with our kids. Men are affected in much the same way. The ‘absence of daddy’ or the ‘over protectiveness of mom’, might impact how he sees himself as a man. How will he know what it means to be a man if he has never been allowed to find out?

  • How does delving into my past help me in the present?…. As a woman or man your past is a part of who you are. You are grown now and can do all the things you imagined so why are you unhappy? What reason is it that your relationships fail? Why are you unconsciously sabotaging yourself in the things in your life? Looking at things and questioning our past can help us to recognize red flags and cycles that are present. We might recognize that the reason we have never married or have a long-term relationship could be because we have a fear of commitment. Now the task is to find out where that fear came from?
  • My past hurts. I don’t want to remember it…. If you were bullied in school or maybe had a poor self-image getting over all of that negativity is not always easy. Hiding behind a fake you will only put a band-aid on a broken leg. The constant struggle to be fake can cause depression and anxiety since it is not really you.  Instead of hiding. Come to terms with the ‘Perfectly imperfect’ YOU. Drop the image and be real.

IMG_81699196655347Don’t be afraid to rip open the doors of the past. The good news is you cannot relive yesterday.  You can learn from it as we should. Look for the cycles in your life and change them before they worm their way into your future and by default into the futures of your children. You have full control.