Control, Project & Lead By Example…

valueExcuses…. someone brought up the subject about women making excuses for each other and it made me think. Sometimes the excuses are good, sometimes bad. The point is they are there, and they can either help or harm us.  I went to bed, and woke up with that thought on my mind. Do we (women) make excuses? Are we the one’s freely giving away the power of self?  Are we so blind to the plights of others that the biggest excuse we give ourselves is that the other woman is somehow different or she asked for it? She allowed herself to be disrespected therefore it is not my problem and that makes it funny. images (96) I asked women how they felt about being called b****es.  For me the answer was outrage as it was for a few others.  For some however,  the answer was “Depends on how it’s being used. ” In other words they argued that the use of this term can actually mean something good. If a woman is called a bad b***h then that means she is about her business.  Well why not simply say that she is good at what she does? Why use a derogatory word and try to make it less derogatory by turning it into a compliment?

uh uhA video was shared on FB by a male friend of mine, that he and other men, found hilarious. I was curious,so I watched it. It talked about how side chicks should ‘stay in their lane’.  As I watched, I was not amused. I grew more furious by the moment.  I sat there and I replayed it, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything.  Then I started reading the comments. “That’s how some women are”. “That’s what women like that get”. These were comments from women. Some of us actually found it funny. When asked about that, a few tried to justify their humor, by saying that if a woman was stupid enough to allow a man to treat her as such, then she gets what she gets. It’s funny now.strone-women-lift This same logic …. these same words follow women everywhere.  Even in the world of domestic abuse, a lot of women will stand by and watch a friend, stranger or even relative being battered and simply say “She stupid for putting up with that. If it was me I would….” Well here’s a newsflash ladies….. every time you do that you are justifying why you made a conscious choice to judge and not act. You made an EXCUSE!

DAUGHTER“Women are forever saying that men treat us like we are cheap and dirty, but we are the ones in control of the images that we put out. We are the ones that control what men see and we control how he will treat us. ” I have repeated this statement a thousand times, even though at times I think it is falling on deaf ears. It is frustrating to see the way some of us women will give over the power of self in order, to please another. Stop making excuses Sisters. Stop being a victim to your own heart and foolishness. If you want respect, be someone who can be respected. Stop looking to others and saying that it is the other woman’s fault and passing the blame, all the while, your own closet is so full of skeletons it resembles a crypt. It is not funny to see a woman selling herself short. It is NOT OK for me to do the same. We are all worth more than we can ever imagine. Ladies stop allowing your dignity and pride as a woman be bought! You don’t have to parade naked to be seen. You don’t have to be loud. You don’t have to be a toy for an unavailable man who will never be yours. You can CHOOSE to be free. The KEY to your life has ALWAYS been in your own hands. YOU control YOU! Now control how you project the real you to the world and teach your daughters. sisters, and friends to do the same. STOP ridiculing other sisters and lead by example. Lift up those who need it. good enough




R.E.S.P.E.C.T …. Learn to recognize when you are being disrespected and when you are disrespecting yourself.

7895462123 R.E.S.P.E.C.T … Respecting the person in the mirror so that others can too….  You are becoming conscious of the ‘true you‘ but who are you and do you have any respect for the person that you have become? Are you worthy of that respect? Why? You are a strong person and you have made several strides to get to this point. You have looked at yourself unclouded. That alone deserves a measure of respect. The fear of looking to self and coming up lacking is daunting to some and terrifying to others. As a woman or man each day that you interact with others you demand a certain level of respect from the people around you. That level of respect varies from person to person. Some respect is earned and most is implied. We assume that people will and should respect us for various reasons. In religion we are taught to respect our elders  and to honor and respect our bodies, our temples, wives and husbands. What it does not teach us is that not everyone has to respect you to a certain point and honestly not very many will especially if you have given them nothing to respect in the first place.

Respect yourself first before demanding it from others. Ladies, this message is especially for you. When it comes to men, dating and relationships one of the first things compromised is self respect for a lot of us. In the name of love we will limit the importance of self. We sometimes allow ourselves to be treated as a yes woman, a pushover, or even a floor mat. We do all of this in the effort to keep the man  that we have and we assume that he will love and respect us for it.IMG_47677794189931 The truth is he won’t. How can he respect you when you don’t respect yourself enough to stand up for you. If you are not your own champion why would you assume that a man would want to . Some of us  assume because he doesn’t love us that we are worthless. We feel that because he doesn’t want us anymore that he is right… that his judgement and opinion of us is  correct.After all his word is law right?  Stop attaching yourself to someone in an attempt to be loved. To be  part of something.  Don’t let your desire for acceptance blind you to you. He is important but then again so are you. Between the two of them if value is to be assigned then let it the one person that will never leave You.

angry-black-womanUnderstand that every choice you make in how you live your life determines how you see yourself. Learn to recognize when you are being disrespected and when you are disrespecting yourself. It seems that almost every quote or meme in the media refers to women as ‘B***h. The ridiculous part is that women will look at that term as a positive if the word Bad is put in front of it. Do you see men referring to themselves as the dipstick or something foul? No then why do women do it? Why do we wear clothing that is uncomfortable and prance around like lambs to the slaughter in the face of men? Why do we treat each other bad and not lift each other up? Why  do we choose to not fight? Stop making excuses for not being accountable for you. It doesn’t matter what the media or that man may say or call you unless you decide to answer to it. Those words hold no power.  Stop making excuses for being afraid to demand respect.

Fight for you and how you want to be treated. Stop being  negatively labeled and accepting it because its easier than making a stink. Remind yourself that you are NOT a female dog. and certainly not a bad one. You are NOT loose change. You’re name is NOT ‘Shawty’ or ‘Ma’. You are not a piece of candy to be gawked at. You are NOT a without standards. Stop looking to an outside person to determine the level of respect you deserve. Project the person that You can honestly respect. Be her. The real her and not the glamorize copy of a diva. Be the woman who inspires respect and the man that is meant for you will find you. He will respect you because you respect yourself as well as him. He will see you for the strong woman you are and not the bad b***h from the radio or TV. business-woman