Casualties Of War….Who Will Be Their Guides?….

teen girlsLooking at the next generation, I am left wondering who will lead them? If mom and dad have been replaced by reality TV and music, who is raising our kids? And who will be there to raise and teach their children? What happened to imaginations and playtime? What happened to compassion and empathy?  What happened to shame? Where did all this anger come from? Why can we no longer carry on conversations with each other in person, and yet we will text or talk all day on social media? Why has society changed so drastically and not in a good way? There are so many questions, and yet I really do not have all of the answers. The more I try to come up with answers, the more questions I have. The more I question, the angrier I get. Not at the individuals, but at the seeming futility of trying to find solutions that are as long-lasting as they are needed. It is as if we are fighting a war with some invisible enemy. Someone or something is generating such discontent but what? Who? What if the enemy is really us?10171227_758121634211546_71165956_n

Instead of a nation of free thinkers; we are now one full of followers. The media and celebrities determine acceptable behavior and not mom and dad.How did this happen? Our sons and daughters are becoming carbon images of a contrived money machine. Not a particular person, but a formula for one that has just enough reality in it, to make it palatable to most and believed by nearly all.  The media has glorified ignorant and dramatic behavior because it drives ratings, and women are simply falling into the trap of trying to fit that role. We don’t have young women looking up to the older paragons of decorum and class, since those women only get a few moments of screen time, while the loud mouth and obnoxious women of these pretend reality shows, get prime time.

Teenage girls smokingTake a long look at the behavior of girls and young women. It is both fascinating as it is scary, to see some of us interact with each other. Women are becoming really mean-spirited when it comes to other women. We have always been very competitive, but now girls are competitive for no reason at all. We have girls in elementary school bullying, and treating other little girls like they are trash. teen_talk_depresssion_emo_cutting_02_jpg_70331Girls in middle school that are sexually active, and girls in high school that are so emotionally battered, they have no idea who they are. The level of indifference to the plight of other women,  is really shocking to me as a woman and human being. I don’t understand the degrees of hatred, that can cause young girls and boys of as young as nine or ten to commit suicide or cut themselves, after being bullied, but that is becoming the norm.

Young women are emulating what they see, and not just their environment. These girls may come from what we would consider perfect homes, but they are so full of anger for reasons that even they don’t understand. I like so many others, have seen this change and attribute it to the images they are being subjected to, lack of identity, and desire to fit in. Girls see women that act like wenches get their own reality shows and become famous for being bad. They see a woman become famous for sleeping with different men and think that it is normal.smallparn If you were a young girl would you seek to be like her because you want to be famous or would you be individual enough to understand that behavior is not the way to go? A lot of us can’t answer that question because we are doing exactly what those girls are doing. We are mimicking what we see.

If children start believing they have no value, why would they try to listen to any adult? If women are resenting the roles of mother and men are ignoring the role of fathers where does that leave the children? How does that affect the way they see and value themselves? sista sadHow do some kids reconcile with the fact that their mother is only 15 years older than them? Or that mom is actually in the club more than you are? Or dad is messing around and, has a baby by, a girl that you went to school with? How did the roles of parents become affected by the changes in men and women? The children are the one constant, since when did they become casualties of war?’

strong-women Parenting is not easy. There is no sure-fire way to guarantee your child will grow up perfect. The only thing that parents can do is be a stable guide to our charges while they are in our protection.  I am sure it may have been easier to get along with your child if they treated you like an equal and not like the next thing to God in their world but having a leader to look upon for guidance is imperative to survival for children. As a parent how can you lead if you are afraid to rock the boat and assert authority?  If you listen to the mouths of the media and the negativity you see around you, it is easy to assume that this generation is lost. I refuse to believe that. We can all change if we choose to and are shown the way. Realizing this I thought of a tentative answer to this war. The solution is the person in your mirror. Teach by example. Guide by your actions. Show the next generation what it means to dream and achieve. Be a parent, teacher, guardian before being a friend. Turn off all other distractions for your child and watch her blossom. selah2-1

Let Her Be A Girl Before You Make Her A Woman!…

little tramp stampEarlier this week I posted a piece discussing the disturbingly horrific ways that our young girls are being seen as sexual beings before they have even hit puberty. The responses I got back were mixed. On the one hand, I met with a lot of support from different mothers and fathers but I did meet quite a few that assumed I had crossed the line. The uncomfortable fact is that in today’s super sexed society, everything we see and view in the media has been carnally charged at some point. How this affects the next generation is up to you to decide. On any given day if you ask me how many kids I have the number may change. That is because I consider every child, my family at some point. I am that neighborhood mom that will take in anyone. I have also been known to discipline my close friends and family’s kids.madea meme Extra chores, timeouts, taken toys, and yes even the occasional spankings were common in my home. I like so many of you, took my role as parent serious enough that it extended to all of those under my roof or presence. I say all this because although I only have two biological sons, I have daughters too.

As a young girl, I was molested. It started when I was 12 and continued for years after that. I internalized that pain and still tried to go on like nothing happened. Grown men around me took notice of my blossoming body before I knew what having a body meant.little-girl-crying I remember how horrible that made me feel. My torment did not end at home. When I was 13 my first summer job was cleaning apartments. The manager took me into one f the bedrooms and asked me to have sex with him. I refused and ran home crying and told my mother. He lied to her when she called and said that he was only testing me. No police were called and the memory of that moment and my torment at home destroyed my self-image.  I was ashamed of my body and yet I wanted to be a young girl like everyone else. I wasn’t allowed that luxury and for years I struggled because of it.  This is the reason I am so concerned by the way that our daughters view themselves. This is why I ask that we all please join the fight to allow our daughters to be little girls first.

Sure we are a super sexed society… Sex does sell but our daughters are not FOR SALE. Stop allowing our daughters to buy into the sexy culture that is the now. Just because they make tube tops and hiphuggers for six-year olds doesn’t mean we should buy them.   One point of view was that pedophiles will look at our kids no matter what they wear. I thought about that for a moment. According to Child Lures Prevention,  “Approximately 400,000 convicted pedophiles currently reside in the United States, according to Department of Justice estimates.” This is only the number of convicted felons. What about the ones like my demons? Neither of the men that touched me as a kid were ever convicted.RAPE The fact remains, that some men and women may not view themselves as typical pedophiles, in my opinion. I am sure we have all heard people talking about how much more mature this or that child is than others. Is it that much of a stretch to assume that some people can be swayed or comforted in thinking that because young Jessica seems to be so mature, she can handle the sexual advances being turned her way? Because she is so mature, she can handle sex? Because she is so mature, she won’t be permanently scarred by her lack of childhood. Because it is just sex it is no big deal right?

BATTERED WOMANWhat if I told you that in the past two months,  I personally have talked to four girls in their teens to early 20s that were all either raped or molested at as early as 11? What if I told you that for three of them their mothers were aware of the abuse and turned a blind eye? What if I told you that they all were told that they looked or acted mature for their age? Do you see a pattern here? What about those little girls that are desensitized to sexuality because it is so common. Sure it is more comfortable to say that it is society’s fault or bad parenting. Guess what? We are SOCIETY. We are the PARENTS. Most of us are not bad parents only misguided. We have gotten not necessarily comfortable, with this new sexy culture but we accept it. We see our daughters twerking and don’t see it as bad, considering everyone is doing it. That is where I start to get Uncomfortable. If everyone is doing it, does that make it any less sexy? This girl is popping and gyrating her hips in ways that are very sexually stimulating. Does this mean that based upon her age some men or women will not be swayed by the movements of her body?  Think so? Go to some of these middle  and high schools and see if you can guess the ages of some of the girls there. See how many girls are wearing high-heeled shoes and short skirts. How many girls are wearing shirts that show their midriff . How many have body piercings or tattoos ?images (96)  While living in Florida, I went to pick my son up from school and this girl was being sent home for showing her shoulders. Surprisingly, over half the girls in the school had on shorts or skirts that left little to the imagination, but shoulders were too sexy to see.

Being the nosy mom of teen boys, I was appalled by the aggressiveness of some of the young ladies in my community. They would walk around wearing nearly nothing, or make sexual gestures or innuendos. Quotes-about-strong-womenI witnessed these girls walking the streets, and was shocked that even I could no longer tell which of them was actually of age. I cautioned my boys, more and more, on the dangers of unprotected sex, and prayed that they listened. I began asking girls why they dressed the way they did, only to find out in some cases she was imitating mom. If this is the way things have become how far will it go? Nothing against teen moms, but when will this be taboo again? It is not that these girls are bad.Far from it. They are simply babies with babies. Can we at least agree on that? Can we also do what we can now, to at least change the image of women, so that girls can again play with dolls and not try to be Barbie? Can we make her comfortable in her own skin, before she starts showing it to the world? girls for womenThe mantle of Maturity, should be earned, in my opinion, not implied.  Let her be young enough to make mistakes, but guide her to understand why mistakes happen. Teach her to be a young LADY. Understand, that it will not be easy to raise an individual little girl, but it is worth every bit. Sure we will have to contend with the media and the newest trends in clothing. Parenting is not meant to be fun all the time. The time is now to remember that. We are the PARENTS. We are the mature ones. We are the ones responsible for our children. We can not shift the blame to Society because WE ARE SOCIETY. Sometimes the only way to protect what you value most is to go back to the basics. We only get a chance to be young once, don’t let your angel’s childhood be filled with regret.

Forgiving Me Because My Pain Doesn’t Define Me….

10255552_678360658877149_909292316099306892_nNearly every person alive has faced a trial or two and wondered if things would ever end. We have all had that moment however fleeting or long where we despair over whether or not we can make it through this one time.We survive every day but do we get past them? Are we able to truly deal with and put the trials behind us? Or are we simply placing band aids over broken legs? Meaning are we hiding from our problems by either ignoring or shoving the pain into a manageable corner? The truth is almost all of us chose to simply ignore the past.…. We ignore yesterday…  We assume that the test of time will make everything that we went through go away. That is simply not possible. Those of us that have suffered abuse are twice as likely in my opinion, to be the ones to choose to move beyond the pain that we suffered by simply forgetting it. A friend and I were talking the other day and she was discussing that there were several things in her childhood that brought her pain to think about. My response to her was to try to let that pain go. I am not saying that you have to forget what we have suffered only to remove the power that we give over to those memories. After all we can never go back in time and change them so the only thing we can do is move beyond it. The first steps are Acknowledgment and Forgiveness.10168156_673159756063906_1755916207_n

  • Acknowledgment: As hard as it is to admit our pain happened. Yes I was abused mentally, physically, or sexually. Yes I went through emotional torment… Yes I went through several things that I could not control…. I went through all of that and it was not my fault. None of my past DEFINES me at this moment in time. A part of getting to know the real you is looking at yourself with an objective eye. Not a critical one. Looking to your past does not mean you are accepting blame only that you are accepting that something happened. Unless your name is Marty McFly there is no way to go back and change that fact so rip off that band-aid and break out the tissue paper. Sure we may cry and feel hurt by memories but that is normal. Feel that pain. Accept it and let it go. It should no longer haunt you to the point where it shapes you.
  • download (13)Forgiveness: Everyone always see this word and immediately assume that to forgive means to forget or to admit defeat. Forgiveness means none of those things. It simply is a way of you not losing but REGAINING your strength. By forgiving those that hurt you, you are saying ‘You have no more power over me.’ … You hold all the control over your emotions. You also have to remember that the most important person to forgive is the person in your mirror. You would be surprised how freeing it is to look to self and declare that I Forgive ME. Even though we may know beyond a doubt that we did nothing wrong, most of us still unconsciously feel like we did.images (69)

So why do I need to Acknowledge and Forgive? What does that have to do with going through and getting past anything?… Have you ever wondered why sometimes a few of us have a tendency to self sabotage. We may unconsciously always seem to pick the wrong person to fall in love with, we may pick the wrong jobs, or friends. We may even choose to push everyone away because we just want to be alone. All of those things we may be going through NOW. Today. Not yesterday… We are struggling today. What does our past have to do with it?…. Well it has everything to do with it. Using our failed loves as an example if you have never learned to value yourself then it is not much of a stretch that we may end up in a codependent relationship with someone who we give control over how we think or see ourselves.10007245_676286422417906_1721310549_n

At some point in time we lost ourselves. Where? When? We can never find the answer to those questions unless we delve deep into our history. For some of us it is like willingly sticking our hand into a nest of fire ants. We know it will hurt and we will feel that pain for a while to come but we must do it anyway. We really have no choice. We must learn the lesson that the past is meant to teach us. We have to understand the whys in our lives. There is no way to actually grow beyond the past if we don’t understand how or why something happens or keeps happening. Going back to the above example what if the reason we choose badly is because we were hurt in the past so we are choosing those few people that we know are really toxic to us because we believe we can’t do better? We may choose the first man or woman coming because we are too afraid of holding out for better. Because we have never experienced love in our past we may develop a codependent relationship with a fictional lover. What I mean by that is we are in love with the image of someone and seek that in everyone that we date.

images (67)Looking objectively at the person in the mirror. The common denominator in a lot of our issues is US. Removing the emotional ramifications of that revelation look at what we are doing and try to break the cycles if there are any present.  Looking at myself I kept falling for narcissistic men because I tied my self-worth into pleasing. To me a strong-willed and self-assured man meant that he was strong. I did not notice until too late that neither of the men that I loved actually cared about the way that I was being treated or felt. I put up with abusive behavior because I had no sense of self value. I did not recognize my identity because I did not yet have one. And to be honest I never saw it as a problem. I like so many others always laid the blame for my pain at the hands of the man I chose instead of looking at my own accountability.images (72)Only after really taking a step outside of myself did I begin to look at my past and recognize a pattern. Going deeper into me I saw that the ultimate reason was my lack of identity which was hampered by my past. I eventually learned to forgive my abusers as well as myself and in doing so I learned to place value back in me. I took back control over my memories. They no longer hurt me. I learned to forgive myself for being me. I forgave my penchant for willingly choosing the wrong men. I forgave me for not LOVING ME. Once I did that I was able to look at life through clearer eyes. I know that I am not perfect but I no longer see myself making that same mistake again. I learned the lesson that my past was teaching me. You can do the same.

Your Inner Circle…. NOT Necessarily A Circle…

32102_20121029_050518_315615_155556964538198_111129862314242_283008_429989077_nDepression is horrible enough without the added insult of others. Sometimes the people closest to you are the ones poisoning the air you breath. People have a tendency to forget that just because a person wears the label friend, that doesn’t mean they are your friend. In other words before saying that life sucks make sure that you check the circle of people around you first to make sure it is not that you are surrounded by a bunch of toxic individuals or if we are the toxic ones…. We all desire to be loved and that is a great thing. We need and crave that in our lives. But don’t be so blinded by the desire for love and acceptance that you find yourself feeling like you don’t matter. You might see yourself as an outsider that doesn’t quite fit in. The loner that is always hurting or the friend that is always there for everyone else but no one cares about.1795500_687332761309123_11995162_n

People can be selfish. This includes the ones we love like family as well as those related by blood. There are no exemptions. Most of us are so single-minded that we can look at ourselves in the mirror on a daily basis and tell ourselves that we are truly good people and yet we treat others as if they don’t matter. We don’t notice that slight until it happens to us. We don’t see that we are just as guilty as the rest of the world. We see only the things that we want or we wear rose-tinted glasses and see only the good that we do. We overlook the bad. We overlook the arrogance and ignorance that we ooze out of every pore. We allow our own insecurities and control issues to cause us to act in different ways that are not beneficial to anyone but the person in the mirror and then wonder why the world shuns us.

images (8)Understanding people and being a good person means stepping outside of your own mirror for a second and trying to put yourself in the other persons shoes. Sure you may have gone through similar issues than them but that doesn’t make you better. It should color the way that you treat them however. Instead of tuning up your nose, I suggest you remember that just as you came up you can also be brought down harder than you can ever imagine. Karma is truly a beast. She does not care if you have a thousand degrees, claim to have a heart of gold or are simply skating through life with butter shoes. I continually talk about being a good person and not simply saying that I am one. I say this because I genuinely believe that I am a good person. I assumed that because I try to see the good in people that would make them good. I believed in loving everyone. I did not see myself hating another person even though they may have done me false. I still worry and try to love them with the open heart of a friend. I began to wonder why if I loved the world did the world not love me back? I began to see that people for all of their posturing are really not as good as they claim.IMG_11552626953112

My heart would break all of the time, because I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by people. I was in a one-sided relationship with the world around me. I loved them and they loved themselves. For all of my professions of love and understanding in the lives of those closest to me I realized I did not have the same meaning in theirs. I was not as important to them. I would go out of my way trying to not hurt their feelings while they did nothing to spare mine. The term friendship to most of us is a loose term just like the word good. We pretend to be friends but we are actually simply holding the door for others to exit our world. I found out the hard way that my inner circle even though it was very small was actually not even close to being a circle. It was more of a squiggly line of dots with me in the center trying hard to survive. I felt alone because I was alone.

IMG_81699196655347But there is light at the end of the tunnel. It may seem hard at first but like me you can hopefully understand that you don’t have to be alone in a room full of people. You can be alive in one. You do NOT have to simply fade into the wallpaper.You am not invisible. Refuse to not be seen. Refuse to accept being unheard. A woman once said to me that “If you have to dumb down to be friends, then you just need better friends.” I realize the truth in that statement now. I deserve better friends and so do you. Stop settling for the adage that life sucks… No life doesn’t really suck maybe the people we know do. Stand up and fight this one battle. Depression is hard enough. Some things we can not do to change that but this is one that we all can. Stop allowing others to run roughshod over your emotions. Start speaking up. If a person is really your friend then they will hear and understand and if they don’t then oh well. Open the door to your heart and politely show them the way out of it.1394794_623290497713350_1504712568_n

Domestic Violence and Teens…. It’s Not That Bad? Or Is It?

download (1)What does Domestic Violence mean to you? I recently had a talk that completely unnerved me. I was talking to a group of young adults about the dangers of  domestic abuse and asked them what they felt was toxic behavior.  The majority of these kids ages 15-25 stated that they did not think fighting  with their girlfriend or boyfriend was abusive. ‘ Abuse is when somebody ends up in the hospital’, “It’s not as bad as all that. I mean people fight. If he hits me I’m going to hit him back. “; ” If a girl loves me enough to stalk me that’s funny.”; ” I don’t see a problem”;  “If somebody jumps in my face I’m not going to just stand there.” These were all responses but not one person mentioned walking away. Not one person understood how bad DV really is. They were truly desensitized to the violence.  They didn’t see a (2)

When did our youth become so blinded by this warped idea of love? How did they become so deluded into thinking that self-preservation was not as needed if you loved someone? How bad and how far does this go? Domestic abuse is a caustic wound that will only get worse, not better, over time. It is not something that will just simply phase its way out of existence. Turn on the TV any day of the week, and you will find some show on there where men and women are either fighting or they are emotionally battering each other. The only time it seems to generate any amount of reaction from the general public (especially our youth) is if the survivor/victim is a celebrity.images (8) That’s where things become a little weird for me because I would assume as a man or woman, you would be more concerned with the world outside your own door instead of those that you may never have the opportunity to meet or touch.

images (12)We all know bad or ridiculous behavior is glamorized by the media so much so that it is nearly ingrained in our culture. We know that most of our younger generations are more greatly influenced by this type of negativity more than ever.images (5) They are the generation of this new age of desensitization. But will it be the death of them? Culturally Americans of all races are becoming more angry. They are not as full of love and understanding as the youth of yesterday. They are not bad, only they lack the ability to empathize with others. They lack the ability to feel for themselves. It’s scary because it is true.  What is also scary is that we are all guilty of that lack of feeling and empathy. Every time we turn on the TV and tune into violent programming or turn a blind eye to what we know is destructive behavior we are guilty. I started thinking and I could not come up with a solution because I am not that brilliant or have the credentials to even try. I did however come up with a few things that we need desperately to promote. Below are a few things that we can bring awareness to:

  • Domestic violence, also known as domestic abusespousal abusebatteringfamily violencedating abuse, and intimate partner violence(IPV), is a pattern of behavior which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriagecohabitation, dating or within the (4) Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery), or threats thereof; sexual abusecontrolling or domineeringintimidationstalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation. This was taken directly from Wikipedia and notice that it talks about STALKING.  Any type of behavior where you have to follow or chase down your significant other is NOT love. That is STALKING! Going to someone’s job, place of business or school with the sole purpose of being seen and threatening is not love.
  • images (9)OBSESSION IS NOT LOVE!!! Love can make you do some crazy things but those things should not be dangerous or ridiculous, meaning love can make you build the Taj Mahal but it should not make you lose yourself in the process. Loving someone is making them a part of you life not your whole life. You still need to be you. You still need to have a strong sense of self-preservation.
  • LOVE DOES NOT HURT! I wish I could shout this from the top of the highest mountain. LOVE does not hurt. Emotional abuse is truly one of the most lasting kinds of torment. Being worn down in the name of love is not actually love. Someone using your emotions to establish control over you is not love and neither is having someone treating you as if you are not worth the dirt on the ground.
  • A SMACK IS A SMACK. A punch is a punch… A shove is a shove. Anytime that a person puts their hands on you or you put yours on them it is not OK. It doesn’t matter if you only did it because you were caught up in anger. That is an excuse. The extreme is when a person has to involve the police or be placed in the hospital. If you keep telling yourself that it is not that bad, how will you know what extreme is?images (10)
  • Domestic violence transcends generations and gender. If our youth, our children, our family and friends don’t see the occasional fight or emotionally battery around them as that bad now, how bad does it have to get before they do? Is the next phase going to be a rash of teenagers being killed by their boyfriends or girlfriends? This behavior is learned and it can be unlearned.

images (6)There are a ton of other points that we need to emphasize to the world around us but those are the ones pressing on my heart. I implore everyone to please talk to your kids today, not tomorrow. Talk to them about how they see domestic abuse. Find out what their threshold for bad really is before they get so wrapped up in their views that they begin to lose themselves. Talk to your daughters about the dangers of confusing love with obsession and possession. Talk to your sons about the dangers of assuming that just because he is a male , that does not mean he can not also be abused. DV is not just against women and it doesn’t always involve a fist. We need to open our eyes NOW to the dangers of this growing problem. We need action against it in the worst way. Here is a link to the National Domestic Violence hotline. If you need help, get it now. Contact them immediately and get safe. You are not alone. You are stronger than you think.


Don’t Throw You Away….

2014-03-10-15-29-14--216826980Trashy vs Classy, do you know the difference? Over the course of three years I researched the attitudes of men and women and the way we look at and see each other. It’s no secret the way that the media decides the popular woman or man. Meaning we base the way we dress, act and conduct ourselves primarily on what we see. The way that a lot of us see our personalities is not so much influenced  by our own individuality but by the lastest fad or trend of the moment.  When you turn on the television if every woman on there is dressed in six inch stilettos and a skirt up the rump nine times out of ten, if you look outside the window you will see nearly every third woman trying to mimic the look. There is nothing new there right? This has been going on since forever.

What happens though when the ‘hot woman’ or the popular image that is being pushed is not exactly the most wholesome? Or what if she is too goody two shoes?

What if the woman of the moment is loud and  brash? What if the new woman is a little raunchy? What if she is not truly ‘YOU’? TRASHY in my opinion is really not all about the clothes you might wear. tumblr_lp7aouAm8R1r0h8q0o1_500In fact I could care less about what you wear so long as you wear the clothing meant for your personality.  The worst kind of trashiness to me  is the loss of who you are. The total disregard of self in favor of assimilation.  In my opinion,  That’s what we do each day when we knowingly refuse to be individuals.  It’s trashy because it is as if we are willingly throwing away the person in the mirror. We just want to fit in. But in the process we lose the image of the woman/man in the mirror. This is where the trashiness begins to show outwardly.


be-a-leaderThrowing you away is doing yourself the most grevious disservice there is. You were born to stand out. You were born to shine, don’t worry about whether you fit into a certain mold you’re YOU.  Stop trying to fit an image that belongs to someone else.  Be your own CLASS ACT. You are so much better than an imagined competition with a fictitious person. What I mean by that is using Beyoncé as an example, I see her bouncing aroundand wearing skimpy clothes that have men going nuts…. I am not Beyonce but here I am trying to squeeze my size ten self into an outfit meant for her.images Sure guys will still look but they might not have the same reaction.  They might look at me and assume I am trying too hard or think that since I’m not an entertainer I’m might be judged on how I appear. The question I have then is why did I feel the need to be like Beyonce?  Her image is not mine and we dont travel in the same circles so the idea that she and I are competitors is ludicrous. So why am I trying so hard?

2014-03-10-15-29-30--2081377712The issue of sexuality and the hypersexed society that we live in makes it extremely hard for the individual to not be tempted to go for the  shock factor just tobe nnoticed. This should be all the reason you need to try harder to be an individual.  Be classy. Open yourself up to the glamorous you. Throw out the image of the popular woman and look in the mirror at the sexy you. Throw out the illfitting clothes and scrape off the two tons of make up. You’re perfect without it. Your clothes are an extension of you. They cant show the real you if you copied it from a magazine.  Imagine what life would be like if everyone was truly unique. If you walked outside and the world instantly recognized you. Be classy enough to think of yourself as your own celebrity model. Your life is  your runway and the world is your stage. Trashy vs Classy basically fake vs real. Accepting the person in the mirror enough to let the world see you is the sexiest form of self love. No outside influence necessary.

I’m Worth More…

quote-Mahatma-Gandhi-all-compromise-is-based-on-give-and-998More… In life we all want more of something, so it should not be a stretch to admit to wanting more out of your own life…. To wanting more out of your relationship… To wanting more out of your job or even family. That desire for more can be your catalyst to do More.  Unfortunately some of us get so bogged down by insecurity and doubt that we don’t think we can have or deserve it. images (19)We sell ourselves short constantly by settling for something that is only satisfying for the moment. In other words instead of ordering a steak dinner we buy a bag of chips and walk away hungry. One of the prime areas that we are all guilty of doing this is in our relationships. Most of us operate under the guise of compromise. We just try to get along. We remain silent because its better to agree than risk it all by speaking out.

true-love-quotes-009Compromise is good if the situation is mutually beneficial to all parties involved. It is not good if you are compromising and the person left out is the main person that has to deal with your choice. YOU.  We have all been guilty of sacrificing ourself for another. That is a noble gesture but at what point is your sacrifice too much for YOU. In abusive relationships, compromise is one of the biggest justification for staying in a bad situation. We tell ourselves that the ‘Devil we know, is better than the one we don’t’. We make excuses for why he/she did what they did. We change the way that we act, think or dress in an attempt to try to please our abusers. We make concessions on things that used to bring us joy, sometimes to the point of giving everything up. Why? Is this our compromise?

Some of us have internal arguments with ourselves and tell ourselves lies, like ‘We will never find another person to love us’; ‘I am too hard to deal with, no other man or woman will put up with me.’ ; ‘I deserve what is happening because I messed up.’crying-boy04_large The subject of worth came to me after my last post. I could not stop thinking about the way that some women and men don’t place enough value in themselves. They don’t take offense to the things that they should because they have LEARNED to desensitize themselves to their own plight. Walking in our journey through life it is Extremely important to have a healthy dose of personal indignation. Get mad. Get angry. Recognize and voice the things that you really do NOT want to compromise on. The same way that you would stand up for yourself to a person hurting you in the street carry that same sense of self-preservation at home. Start saying NO! Fight back mentally. Reclaim your control.

download (3)Demand MORE! You deserve to be treated with the same measure of respect that you give others. You deserve to have a voice in things that affect you. You deserve to be given the chance to say NO to the things that you choose. You deserve to not be emotionally battered. You deserve to NOT be physically harmed. It does not matter what you think you have to atone for in the past. No one deserves to be treated horribly. You deserve to be happy. Your past is your PAST! You can’t relive it. Even if it is something that you feel that you should be ashamed of, try hard to stop. Forgive yourself and try to continue to move forward. Your past then can not be used as a battering ram by someone trying to make you feel bad. Who cares if you used to work at a strip club, it was a job. It doesn’t affect your character. Who cares if you have a long line of bad relationships, that may simply mean that you haven’t found yourself yet and have made some poor choices. As you grow, you have to make a conscious decision to break the hold of the past.

Quotation-Janis-Joplin-yourself-compromise-wisdom-Meetville-Quotes-96350Demand More from yourself! Stop allowing yourself to give in to that false sense of comfort. If you were truly comfortable and happy you wouldn’t be pining for MORE. That empty feeling in the pit of your stomach. That hole that needs to be filled but you don’t know with what. That desire to have better. That knowledge that this is not really what you want. Listen to it. Get angry. You don’t have to stay in that abusive relationship. You can find someone new. Stop making excuses. Even if you have never been physically abused, emotional abuse is just as horrid. The ‘Devil you know ‘, can truly be a demon if you don’t do something to change it. the first step is valuing yourself enough to know that you deserve more.  Excuses and false compromises need to become a thing of the past. Be accountable to yourself. Understand that it won’t be easy and the way may not always seem clear but it is worth it. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. You are a diamond in disguise. A gem in a room full of stones where you will remain until you start recognizing your own shine. You deserve MORE… Claim it. o-QUOTE-facebook