Nature vs Nurture? Are We Doing It Right?

violent teenMore and more I start thinking of the age-old debate of  ‘NATURE vs NURTURE’.  Recently there was another school shooting, this time in Florida and it has me wondering. Why are our kids so angry, depressed and prone to violence? Sometimes there is no apparent abuse in the homes of these individuals, there is no truly defined dysfunction….. Some of the most quiet and unassuming individuals are brimming with malcontent and anger.teen_talk_depresssion_emo_cutting_02_jpg_70331 Why? Why are so many teenagers choosing to end their lives rather than deal with bullying and low self-esteem? Why do they cut themselves? I have been on the receiving end of many cries for help, because someone has decided that life is just not worth living. A lot of kids come to me because they feel no one will listen. They feel like even though I am not a doctor, at least I care about them as a person.

Most parents today are so intent upon protecting our kids that we are shielding them from everything. But is that healthy or right? In Nature or the wild other species nurture and care for their young as well,however, even a lioness will allow her cubs to learn to fend for themselves. (Before we go any further this is not in regards to the shooter in the above story but in general.) Human mothers, fathers, grand parents and etc, today are so busy worrying about the boogy man next door, that we may not realize the one being created in the next bedroom.page6_sengalese_hug Have you noticed the number of kids that have no idea how to take care of themselves outside of mom or dad has grown? NO? Well I have, and it is very depressing. Young men are becoming so co-dependent on their mothers that they are not even able to hold down themselves without a woman there to guide them or take the reins. Fathers are either absent or fighting a  seemingly losing battle for their son’s respect. Young girls that are so lost in the ways of being strong women because their role models have been replaced by reality star icons. The role of Mom is now losing the respect it deserves. Then there is the intense moral dilemma of sex being forced down the throats of everyone within the country by the media….friends-hugging1

When we talk to our kids about problems often parents will offer a solution before giving that child a chance to understand the lesson they need to. Think about this for a moment….. How did you learn that fire was hot? Most of us will have touched something as a kid and that sting was enough of a lesson to make us understand that fire was NEVER to be touched again. Life is really no different. LIFE is about learning and processing what we have learned. It is not about giving the answers and protecting. That is actually less about nurturing and more coddling. Going back to bullying because of the recent events, the more kids I talk to , the more I realize that they are so mentally destroyed by words that they can’t help but be devastated by adversity69576_672822726097609_1448457241_nThey have not learned the lesson that not everyone is bad and not everyone is good. Humans can be mean, but that does not reflect your inner being. A lot of parents are no longer teaching their kids to fight back. Not in the physical sense but in the mental and emotional battle of looking to self and realizing that NOTHING anyone ever says about them is worth them internalizing that pain. 

I say all of this because we have to do something to help our kids before the next generation are worse. As a parent allow your child to learn the lessons that are needed. It is not healthy to protect them from everything.images (81) Lets all learn to teach ourselves which battles are worth fighting for our kids and allow those necessary for growth to be learned. Let kids be kids. Let them get dirty, scrape a knee, pick themselves up and learn that pain can be overcome. It fades…

Ang

 

 

When Would You Rather Receive Your Flowers, While Alive or Dead?

floweretiquetteWhen would you rather receive your flowers, while alive or dead? I know that is an unnerving statement but it needs to be said. Turn on the TV or internet  and there will be some story related to Domestic Violence. It seems to be the one thing that is hard to escape, and yet we can change it. We CANNOT change the abuser but we CAN change ourselves. This piece will seem a little harsh, but, it is said with much love. It goes out to men and women alike, considering the way that a good many women are becoming just as violent as their male counterparts.menhurttoo STOP TRYING TO JUSTIFY ABUSE!!! I say this a thousand times. LOVE does not HURT! It does not hit. It does not stalk. It does not obsess. It does not burn clothes. None of those things are love, so why do we continuously say so when we try to defend our attacker?

83_showcase_project_detail_itemAsk yourself why? Why do you stay? Don’t judge yourself and don’t think about how others may judge you. Just think of why you choose to stay. Is it really out of fear? Are you afraid of being alone? Are you afraid to not have love? Are you perhaps blinded by the fear of failure that you, think staying will somehow make the situation different? None of these things make you a bad person. It really doesn’t but here is the deal. We are told all the time to just pray about a situation and it will change. But just like with the flowers, when do you want to receive your prayer answers, alive or dead? Continue to pray for the person that has harmed you but get OUT if you can.wow

  • STOP saying he/she loves me! Who are you really trying to convince? yourself or everyone else?An abuser may care about you but that doesn’t equal to love. Love doesn’t give you a black eye. If he loves you why does he isolate you… berate you…. beat you? Is that love, because if it is, then why do so many prisoners of war not see it as such? powerfulStockholm’s Syndrome (a victim’s emotional “bonding” with their abuser) can trick a lot of people into thinking that this horrendous treatment is love. This way of thinking is why so many of us go back.
  • STOP being afraid to be alone! If you are in an abusive relationship, isolated and afraid to trust then guess what? You are alone already. Now try being alone without having to walk on eggshells. Stop listening to lies. I listened to a friend talk about her abuser. She spoke about him with such love and affection that my heart went out to her. He talked to her about trust and that if he took her back he would need access to everything. He described how she would not be able to have friends and how she would basically be under his control. None of those things stood out to her as she was relaying his words. She chose to forget the black eyes. She only heard him talking about love. She desperately wants to be loved and he played on all of her feelings. Is that love? Sometimes Love really means loving the person in your mirror enough to be with them for a while. images (34)Get comfortable being alone. It doesn’t mean you will stay that way. Being alone is not a death sentence especially if you love the company you keep.

Romanian women, who have lent their faceLove you enough to understand that you can not change anyone only you. Don’t be a victim of you. Staying or going back to an abusive relationship does not make you a martyr it makes you hurt. Love can be bittersweet but it is never physically or mentally painful. Stop confusing obsession and control with love. Stop allowing your own insecurities keep you in bondage. Just as victims with Stockholm’s can be treated and helped, so can you. You are never alone. Not really. There are those of us like myself that will always be there for you. Get help where you can. Make sure I can give your flowers to you while you can still smell them.

AngWoman Receiving Flowers

I Forgot To Be Human

10785_652311498172737_1809466878_nWhen life hits you in the face with a two by four, most people are able to bounce back with ease. There are a few that can’t. Some like myself need a little more time to feel the hurt,deal with it and then analyze why it happened. Along that time I go through a dozen different emotions. One of those is depression. I have made no qualms about discussing my problem with anyone that wanted to hear it. I talk openly about the self hatred that I suffered growing up after never quite fitting into a certain image of perfection that I had designed in my own mind. I talk about my penchant for picking bad boys; joking about how if there was a jerk within a five mile radius, I would find him and fall for him. I talk about all of those things and yet do I believe in my own transformation. Recently I went through a serious crisis of faith.1908294_10152475053909709_6050693286807572841_n

I was tormented by the problems in my life and the duties of being a shoulder of so many. I forgot to make time for me. I forgot to breath. I forgot that I was human and therefore not perfect. I forgot that I don’t have to be. There are times when I would look at myself and only see the bad about the person in the mirror all over again. The reason for that is because once I found out I could not handle the entire world, and that things can and will happen to even me. I began to doubt other areas in my life. Suddenly I started looking at the mirror and seeing this overweight woman staring back at me, I would cringe. I looked at the fact that my organization is not  growing by leaps and bounds as I had hoped. I looked at the fact that my book sales seem to be steady but not enough to cause a blip in my financial situation. I looked at myself trying to find work and being turned down time and again for whatever reason. I saw all of the people around me and paranoia set in, making me think that they were laughing at me, behind my back. In school, normally one to excel in class, I found myself on the verge of failing, because one class in particular was just too out of my box. Finally I looked at the fact that I am alone and I wondered why.10325550_10152198698802407_5064911169029293202_n  All of those things I found myself rehashing over and over again until I had become almost despondent. Friends and relatives tried their best to cheer me up but I could not feel any better. I felt as if I were somehow forgotten by God himself.

1554376_10152408577649104_6701424679065276607_nThe reason why I am sharing this is because someone out there may feel the same and I want you to know you are not alone. I felt the urge to just give in but I didn’t. Now much like a soldier returning home from war I am licking my wounds. I am optimistic about GIRLS I know eventually it will span the globe. I am not fat or repulsive, just needing to shed a few pounds. The book will do fine in time, In the meantime I am doing research for future ones. The people around me even if they were talking and laughing then so what? They do not define me and their words only hurt if I allow them to. And that was just one class,I can retake it. Life is not as horrid as I assumed. Being depressed can make us all think the worst BUT remember to breath and feed your soul. Be positive and learn to teach yourself how to roll or absorb the punches life throws at you. I want you to see and understand that I have been where you are and I am still recovering from it. I am not perfect and that is OK! You don’t have to feel alone because you’re not alone. You don’t have to compare your problems to mine, because your pain is your pain, and just as valid. What you have to do is Believe in YOU! You are so much more powerful than you know and so am I. (((HUGS)))10013041_10152025237647634_1538175927_n

Ang

Could Your Post Make Your Rape OK?

jadaA few weeks ago there a young woman was raped and filmed and the pictures were plastered all over social media. She was 16 and after passing out she was stripped and violated. The responses from some men and women, turned my stomach when I talked about and spread the news. A few men blamed the victim.If she wasn’t drunk she would not have been in that situation“. This made me so angry I wanted to start a new war. A lot of people that viewed those pictures thought they were funny and made memes joking and laughing about being Jada’d. What has changed about the world that could make someone that deprived, think that rape was funny? Why are there not more people going around and rallying for justice for this young girl? Why does it seem as if we would rather laugh at violence than change it? Is this who we are? victim blaming

I look on my news feed on different social media, and I am appalled by the number of people posting these videos of women twerking or fighting. We say some of the most ridiculous things when we share this mess. (It is either funny to us or degrading). Today alone, I saw a dozen videos of women shaking their booties. I am not a prude nor do I judge. It’s your body do with it what you will if you are old enough to understand the consequences. don't value My question is why are there so many? It seems that more and more women are jumping at the chance to showcase her ability to drop it like its hot. WHY? How is this showcasing strength? How is this showing us to be  above reproach? Is posting these videos causing some men to not see us as human beings but as fodder for playtime? These questions plague me because just as I was sitting here responding to comments from my post about Jada, I began to think long and hard. If Jada being drunk made rape OK, what does posting a video of a ourselves popping our butts like we have no other means of showing beauty, mean? Will the next argument be  if I posted a video of myself then showed up at a party, I am asking to be raped? What about if I am constantly posting sexy pics of myself online? What if I had a few drinks and danced in front of a group of men?boys consent

How did we get to the point where our girls are posting more and more pics  or worse we are training them on how? I still see disturbing images of teenagers and babies twerking. If the dances and attire of these girls is the same that you would see at a strip club or bar, is this not enticing to the minds of men? Although she is only 13, it doesn’t mean anything if she has the body of a 20 year old, and men won’t respond to it. Come on people! If Jada was raped while at a party, filmed and plastered all over the web to be made fun of, it could just as easily have been our daughter. The threat is not that far away and we as parents may be allowing it to happen.mom and daughter Women I say this to you, before you post a pic of yourself remember that if you have a daughter she may end up doing the same. Just because a man likes the video or pic, doesn’t mean he respects you. Just because you are grown and look good at 25, it doesn’t mean that you will still be proud of that video that you posted 10 or 20 years from now.

Be accountable for the person in your mirror and the one you are raising. Be aware that some people are using the things we do against us. In the case of Jada what if  her attackers were caught and the jury included a few people that felt she asked for it? What will happen next? What if the next victim was your 14 year old niece, but she looks and acts older? Each of those pics shared of Jada were child pornography. Each of the pics our daughters are sending to young men and posting online is child porn. Stop making ourselves out to be only sexual beings. Pull back some and be more sensual. Grown and sexy should not always mean simply grown and popping.  Talk to your kids. really talk TO them and not AT them. Find out if they understand that rape is still rape. Assault is still assault and no one ASKS for it! legacy

Ang

It’s Worse…. Please Wake UP!

kid behind bars     I recently did research for a support group I am trying to build for teenage girls, what I found, upset me so badly that I was physically ill. According to nearly a dozen websites about pedophilia and sexual abuse in Western society  nearly 36% of the sex offenders are CHILDREN.The number of youth coming to the attention of police for sex offenses increases sharply at age 12 and plateaus after age 14. Early adolescence is the peak age for offenses against younger children. Offenses against teenagers surge during mid to late adolescence, while offenses against victims under age 12 decline.” (US Dept of Justice, 2009) 

     Why are our children becoming so sexually violent? A lot of  offenders have been proven to been victims themselves. Today’s society is very over sexed, but now that I am aware of the effect this is having on our youth, I am terrified beyond belief. Most of us may still be a little skeptical of that number, but I can assure you the number is accurate. If anything it might be growing. For most people the definition of a pedophile can depend on perception. In a lot of cultures it is not against the law to have relations with a young child as long as they have gone through puberty. All of that is fact, however, here in the US it is considered to be wrong to have sexual relations with a child. Did you know that the average age of the models on most of the ads are between the ages of 12 and 16? Or that some modeling agencies may consider a young girl of 19 to be too old? That’s not that bad right? Unless…..french-v Consider the fact that the featuring of nudity from a child model is considered art. Sooo images of a 12-year-old dressed very sexually and posed, is not child porn so long as she is doing it for a magazine but if you take a pic of your daughter in a bikini and post it on Facebook it can be seen as suggestive.

juvenile     Over the course of the last few years more and more teen and young adolescents are being labeled as sex offenders. In Maryland just last year a 15-year-old was on trial for 12 counts of child porn after sending pictures of himself to another teen. This means parents, that gone were the days when we could say ‘kids will be kids’. We can no longer justify our young girls and men as experimenting and simply being kids. This is real. It is becoming an epidemic. A 18 year old in Arizona was convicted as a serial rapist for attacking nearly 18 young girls. tyler Kost This young man wasn’t just your typical looking Jeffrey Dahmer type.  It is not just the creepy guy in the van, that we have to be aware of anymore. I would like to think that this young man was actually a fluke but he isn’t. All we have to do is look around us and we can find examples. Recently the web exploded with images of Jeremy Meeks the sexy felon that went viral. Young girls were so enamored by his face that they were willing to overlook the danger of his deeds. The responses and number of women boasting about wanting to help pay bail or be his girl, made me want to throttle them. Imagine if he were a rapist….. Does his looks excuse his behavior then?  In our minds the obvious answer may be no but to teen girls, they may not view rape as unforgivable as we did.

Jeremy meeks     I posted an article on here about the dangers of seeing our young girls as sexual beings. I even took time away from blogging to try to reach young teens due to the marked growth in domestic violence among them.We have to take action now before thinks go any further.  As parents let’s first turn off the sexual images that we see on TV, social media or even the radio. Simply be a parent, teacher or friend in that moment. Talk to your teens and children. Ask them if they have had any situations where they have been made to feel uncomfortable. Make sure our daughters and sons are not so busy looking for the man with horns that they miss the woman with the tail. Or the peer from class that was abused and now seeks to abuse. Understand that things are not like it was when we were kids. We have always had problems with sex offenders and teen sexuality, we did not have the level of indifference to personal accountability and safety that we do now.  Talk to your daughters BEFORE letting them go out, about the dangers of date rape and let her know that if it happens she can talk about it. Talk to your sons about the dangers of the supposed cougar or older woman who just wants to make him a man.slut-shaming-crying-girl-300x300

The other night I was trying to find something to take my mind off of this horror when while perusing Netflix I came upon this movie. Are All Men Pedophiles. I had a lump in my throat already from the different websites that talked about child sexuality, but after watching that video I was literally in tears. I had to disprove it. I went on a full search that led into to the early in the morning. I wanted to find evidence to debunk these preposterous claims. I cried because I could not find anything. We have allowed our society to become over sexed and as a result we as a society can not distinguish whom among us are the real predators.

Girl_Teenager_8522132_H     In the documentary above one of the doctors above actually postulated that in the not so distant future pedophilia may actually be considered as an orientation much like homosexuality was. The difference as she stated was that the person must not act on the urges. I thought about that all night and morning. It just would not leave my mind. Because in the video there were a few pedophiles that were married and openly admitted to having sexual fantasies about children. Does being open about it make it OK? The documentary did not say so but it seemed to me that the people who appeared on camera thought so.  So should they be listed as sex offenders still if they have not technically committed a crime?

     We are going after children for posting pictures yet we (adults),  continue to glorify sexuality in everything they see. Reality TV shows, movies, games, music, internet, social media all of these things are all pretty much dominated by sex. Even some of our supposed Disney and kid friendly programming are still have the hint of sex. To be honest the way that we are going are we not making it easy for the true pedophile to be more tempted to be an offending pedophile? He/she can simply turn on the TV or go outside and we are literally handing our children up as sacrificial lambs.  Our children see us doing the same things that we tell them not to. We have become hypocrites in our own homes and then we wonder why they no longer listen to us. Are they becoming so violent because we are violent?

What can we do? How can we stop this epidemic? This nightmare has to end….. It’s time to WAKE UP!

adorable

Let Her Be A Girl Before You Make Her A Woman!…

little tramp stampEarlier this week I posted a piece discussing the disturbingly horrific ways that our young girls are being seen as sexual beings before they have even hit puberty. The responses I got back were mixed. On the one hand, I met with a lot of support from different mothers and fathers but I did meet quite a few that assumed I had crossed the line. The uncomfortable fact is that in today’s super sexed society, everything we see and view in the media has been carnally charged at some point. How this affects the next generation is up to you to decide. On any given day if you ask me how many kids I have the number may change. That is because I consider every child, my family at some point. I am that neighborhood mom that will take in anyone. I have also been known to discipline my close friends and family’s kids.madea meme Extra chores, timeouts, taken toys, and yes even the occasional spankings were common in my home. I like so many of you, took my role as parent serious enough that it extended to all of those under my roof or presence. I say all this because although I only have two biological sons, I have daughters too.

As a young girl, I was molested. It started when I was 12 and continued for years after that. I internalized that pain and still tried to go on like nothing happened. Grown men around me took notice of my blossoming body before I knew what having a body meant.little-girl-crying I remember how horrible that made me feel. My torment did not end at home. When I was 13 my first summer job was cleaning apartments. The manager took me into one f the bedrooms and asked me to have sex with him. I refused and ran home crying and told my mother. He lied to her when she called and said that he was only testing me. No police were called and the memory of that moment and my torment at home destroyed my self-image.  I was ashamed of my body and yet I wanted to be a young girl like everyone else. I wasn’t allowed that luxury and for years I struggled because of it.  This is the reason I am so concerned by the way that our daughters view themselves. This is why I ask that we all please join the fight to allow our daughters to be little girls first.

Sure we are a super sexed society… Sex does sell but our daughters are not FOR SALE. Stop allowing our daughters to buy into the sexy culture that is the now. Just because they make tube tops and hiphuggers for six-year olds doesn’t mean we should buy them.   One point of view was that pedophiles will look at our kids no matter what they wear. I thought about that for a moment. According to Child Lures Prevention,  “Approximately 400,000 convicted pedophiles currently reside in the United States, according to Department of Justice estimates.” This is only the number of convicted felons. What about the ones like my demons? Neither of the men that touched me as a kid were ever convicted.RAPE The fact remains, that some men and women may not view themselves as typical pedophiles, in my opinion. I am sure we have all heard people talking about how much more mature this or that child is than others. Is it that much of a stretch to assume that some people can be swayed or comforted in thinking that because young Jessica seems to be so mature, she can handle the sexual advances being turned her way? Because she is so mature, she can handle sex? Because she is so mature, she won’t be permanently scarred by her lack of childhood. Because it is just sex it is no big deal right?

BATTERED WOMANWhat if I told you that in the past two months,  I personally have talked to four girls in their teens to early 20s that were all either raped or molested at as early as 11? What if I told you that for three of them their mothers were aware of the abuse and turned a blind eye? What if I told you that they all were told that they looked or acted mature for their age? Do you see a pattern here? What about those little girls that are desensitized to sexuality because it is so common. Sure it is more comfortable to say that it is society’s fault or bad parenting. Guess what? We are SOCIETY. We are the PARENTS. Most of us are not bad parents only misguided. We have gotten not necessarily comfortable, with this new sexy culture but we accept it. We see our daughters twerking and don’t see it as bad, considering everyone is doing it. That is where I start to get Uncomfortable. If everyone is doing it, does that make it any less sexy? This girl is popping and gyrating her hips in ways that are very sexually stimulating. Does this mean that based upon her age some men or women will not be swayed by the movements of her body?  Think so? Go to some of these middle  and high schools and see if you can guess the ages of some of the girls there. See how many girls are wearing high-heeled shoes and short skirts. How many girls are wearing shirts that show their midriff . How many have body piercings or tattoos ?images (96)  While living in Florida, I went to pick my son up from school and this girl was being sent home for showing her shoulders. Surprisingly, over half the girls in the school had on shorts or skirts that left little to the imagination, but shoulders were too sexy to see.

Being the nosy mom of teen boys, I was appalled by the aggressiveness of some of the young ladies in my community. They would walk around wearing nearly nothing, or make sexual gestures or innuendos. Quotes-about-strong-womenI witnessed these girls walking the streets, and was shocked that even I could no longer tell which of them was actually of age. I cautioned my boys, more and more, on the dangers of unprotected sex, and prayed that they listened. I began asking girls why they dressed the way they did, only to find out in some cases she was imitating mom. If this is the way things have become how far will it go? Nothing against teen moms, but when will this be taboo again? It is not that these girls are bad.Far from it. They are simply babies with babies. Can we at least agree on that? Can we also do what we can now, to at least change the image of women, so that girls can again play with dolls and not try to be Barbie? Can we make her comfortable in her own skin, before she starts showing it to the world? girls for womenThe mantle of Maturity, should be earned, in my opinion, not implied.  Let her be young enough to make mistakes, but guide her to understand why mistakes happen. Teach her to be a young LADY. Understand, that it will not be easy to raise an individual little girl, but it is worth every bit. Sure we will have to contend with the media and the newest trends in clothing. Parenting is not meant to be fun all the time. The time is now to remember that. We are the PARENTS. We are the mature ones. We are the ones responsible for our children. We can not shift the blame to Society because WE ARE SOCIETY. Sometimes the only way to protect what you value most is to go back to the basics. We only get a chance to be young once, don’t let your angel’s childhood be filled with regret.

A Cry For Help… Suicide Should Not Be Used As A Threat….

images (15)Have you ever met someone who was so lonely or upset that they go to extremes to get attention. Sometimes it is a cry for help and others its simply because they just are bored. When is that cry for help truly real and what should we do? I get calls all the time from friends and relatives in crisis. Because I listen, they sometimes look to me to be that voice of reason and support. I truly don’t mind it since listening and caring is my gift. However the concern for me is those few that seek attention by  going to extremes. This is the reason behind this post. Are you a ‘Attention Seeker’ ? Are you crying out for help or are you crying wolf? Why?images (18)

Understand that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be noticed. It is natural to want to be seen and cared for by the people in your life. It is OK to want to be heard. It is natural to feel so overwhelmed that you want to scream. Sometimes the best thing that you can do is seek the company and comfort of others. But what if there is no one there to listen? What if you have burned all of the bridges in with family and friends? Who will be there in your time of need? You might feel so alone that you start to think like a desperate person. You start wondering who do I turn to? Who will hear the sorrow wailing within my heart? Who will be my friend and confidant? We wonder all of that and then when the moment arises we seek to get attention in some of the worst ways.

images (14)As children we may have sought attention by being disobedient or acting out. Now as an adult you would think we have grown beyond the acting out phase, well what if we haven’t grown past the mindset of our childhood? Unconsciously we may still be that little kid that is looking for mom or dad’s love. Unfortunately because we are adults our way of acting out however goes beyond the flunking out in class. Because we are grown we start to feel that desperation on a deeper level. As kids people have to care about you right? However as an adult you are supposed to care about yourself…..So if you do not have a personal VALUE in SELF, how can you care about the person in the mirror and how could anyone else care for you?

I say all of this because the true issue with a lot of us is the fact that we do not have our own Personal Value. We assume that we are worthless and unworthy of attention by any other means besides the drastic. We create drama by doing silly stunts…. Causing a fight, gossiping, lying, cheating and etc. For a lot of us that goes to a level that is beyond just simply being sad, we seek to do harm to ourselves. We kid ourselves into thinking that if we were to leave this earth and to be gone from this plane of existence that the people who love us will be better off or they will miss us when we are gone. Thereby giving our spirit the attention we desire. This pension to self harm is not one to take lightly. images (17)

Suicide is NEVER an answer….. Self Mutilation is never an answer….. Doing harm to YOU is not going to cause people to care. If anything imagine the hurt and anger you will be leaving behind. Suicide hurts everyone not just you. If you are having thoughts of doing harm to yourself please seek immediate help. Because it is so devastating for all involved this is the absolute WORST attention seeking ploy you can ever imagine. Everyone has heard the story of the boy who cried wolf. We know about how he cried wolf so many times that eventually no one believed him and when the wolf was actually there he was left to defend his sheep himself. Well it can be the same with pretending to be suicidal.

images (20)There is something deeper than just seeking attention and depression if you are one of the select few that believes that this type of antic is OK. It is not. This is your LIFE that you are playing with and that is NOT cool! To subject family and friends to the roller coaster of emotions: fear, anger, despair, disappointment, guilt, to name a few , is a selfish act that will never go over well. Of course if someone loves you or is a basic human being they will respond to your threats to do self harm. However if this becomes a regular occurrence then the normal response from people will not be to continue to get as upset. They will eventually start to resent the game they assume is being played. They will no longer recognize the as a cry for help and see it as a cry for attention and choose to ignore it. I understand the hurt that you may be feeling now. I can empathize with your desperation but I can not condone the way some of us are choosing to express it. artworks-000065758379-pwwqfp-original

It is well documented that most people who continually threaten suicide aren’t very serious.  Those serious about it  will almost always do it without giving even a hint of their intentions. Sometimes they may give a hint but it is so subtle that people not looking for them, will not necessarily notice until it is too late.
Suicide is always a tragic end to any life and it would be arrogant of us to believe that we can actually stop someone who is serious about doing it. That doesn’t mean don’t intervene, it simply means we shouldn’t blame ourselves if they successfully complete the act. I truly believe that not one caring family member, friend or even co-worker  wouldn’t try to stop someone who has threatened to kill themselves.  We all will go to great lengths to help someone who is  apparently suicidal.This is the reason most narcissistic people use this threat.
images (16)Its better to be safe than sorry. Don’t assume that a person that is coming to you for help is doing so for attention and pay attention  to the not so dramatic signs, from those that may actually be planning to follow through on their proposed plans. It is scary to be placed in that position I know and most of us get nervous about what to say or do. The main thing those of us helping need to understand is that this matter is not ours to own. We can not save a person that doesn’t want to be saved. For the person looking to get attention or is truly thinking of death as a solution it is not the answer. Again I ask that everyone please seek and get help from a professional. Don’t wait until you feel trapped or desperate. You are NOT alone. If you want to talk please contact a friend or contact me if need be. We can get through this together….. You don’t need to seek attention because we all notice you.