WHY Do You Exist?

valueWhy are you here? WHY do you exist? What is your purpose? A lot of us may assume that we are unimportant or that we have no real carbon footprint on this earth. That is further from the truth than you can imagine. Everyone has a purpose or calling even if it is nothing more than being a shoulder for a friend in need. Your purpose in life does not end because you get old or fall down a time or two. It doesn’t mean you are destined to be great in the eyes of many. Your purpose big or small is your stamp in this journey called life. In order to know your purpose you have to know who you really are. Who are you? I tried defining myself again and once more I came up with the same conclusion. I define me by how I chose to view myself and love the person in the mirror. I am pretty darn fabulous in my own world. My story is just my story and not who I am. I talk a lot about getting in tune with the one person you can never escape. Yourself. You will always be you so why hide it?10437341_731434760241925_4556753154669449255_n

black-girl-looking-in-the-mirrorIn class the other day the subject of self came up and how we define the person in our mirrors. A lot of individuals have grown to the point where their identity is apparent however there are still some that do not know who they are. I was one of those individuals for years as I have talked about so much over the past few months. I had no clue about my purpose. I did not recognize the value of me being alive. After discussing self, the conversation shifted to elders and aging. This made me think again about how you view you. We are a reflection of our parents and because of that our self is a reflection of their selves. So if our parents are so important it only safe to assume that our path, our identity can be influenced by them as well. You are your father’s daughter. You are your mother’s son. You are not simply a nobody.en

DAUGHTERYou exist to be you completely. You exist because you are meant to be just as you are only better. Stop looking to others to define you and start seeing that you may not be important to them but you are priceless to yourself. When you think about getting older, how do you see your future? Do you see yourself surrounded by kids and grandkids? Do you see yourself successful in a business or venture? Do you see yourself in a rut or stuck? Think about our parents and grandparents. They grew up with a third of what we did and yet they survived and continued on. They paved the way for you to get where you are. Mom and dad are our mentors and first teachers, just as you are to your kids. You show them how to be the amazing ones they are. You teach them to be perfectly imperfect. That is your footprint. That is your legacy. Not just a big bank account or plot of land. Your legacy lies within your ability to touch the heart and mind of another long after you are gone.

adorableThink about your carbon footprint. What about you will stay in the hearts and minds of those you interact with? When you leave home or work is there an absence that is felt? A lot of us may not think so but in truth we are more noticed than we can ever imagine. We are not simply nobodies. We are amazing beings, full of excitement and love.How do I know? Well that is simple…. Have you ever looked at a flower or one of God’s creations and seen it sighing and considering itself worthless? Even a weed has value to the weed. You have value as long as you see it within yourself. You exist because you are meant to. Just as I am. good enough

Ang

Coming Out Of The Dark!!!!! HBD JeweledAngel37!

bbdHappy BIRTHDAY!!!!! It’s been an entire year since the start of this blog and GIRLS. I have been blessed to have been a part of this wonderful endeavor.The more I think about this year the more I can’t help but notice an evolution in myself and in the people around me. The blog was set up to try to share with others the joy that I felt at learning to accept the person in my mirror. But to be honest it evolved so much more than that. I became obsessed with making a difference. I wanted to lead by example.cc0hk I wanted to bring as much peace to others even if at times I did not feel at peace myself. This morning I woke with a song burning in my heart. Gloria Estefan’s ‘Coming out of the dark’. This was odd to me because I had not heard the song in over a decade and yet I could remember every word this morning. I woke with tears in my eyes because I realized that this was my time of coming out of the dark. It was time that I stopped being a prisoner of ME. For the past few years I have been going through one trial after another. I have walked around with a battered and bruised heart and mind and yet I am still here. I am ALIVE and I am Free. I am Coming out of this darkness in my soul.

images (27)It has been so hard walking in my own truth and I admit that at times I faltered. I admit to feeling ashamed of who I was and whom I was becoming!  I wanted to hide instead in the comfort of my blankets as if the world would not be able to find me even there. I admit to shedding far too many tears. I admit to feeling weak and lost. To almost giving up. I even did one thing I promised I would never do… I compared me to you.I imagined how much easier life was for others compared to my own. I looked at my support system and found myself often sitting on a ledge alone. As I said before in an article, my inner circle was actually made up of squiggly little lines. It was more of a square. Nothing was what it seemed. The funny thing is, it does not matter to me any longer.10460724_736480593075755_2301309135916939953_n

My desire to help is still just as strong if not stronger than it was a year ago. I am writing more and more. I am reaching out more. I realize that I don’t need organizations of people backing me up only in name.10410517_736040753119739_5204901113113256372_n I need action. I am truly COMING OUT OF THE DARK! But I am not coming alone. I am going to be pulling and dragging whomever wants to be free. We do not have to sit aside in the quietness of mediocrity. We do not have to be victims of our own hand. We do not have to be sad or alone. We do not have to be hidden fighters! 10345818_726241607432987_991066559302271364_nYou have been with me for this long. I ask that you please stick with me a little longer. Come with me! Join me in stepping out of the shadows of life. We are each too precious to simply exist. We should all shine. You are my inspiration. Without this blog and readers I would be simply another dreamer afraid to speak. You hear my voice and I hear yours. I will always be here. I will always love you. You are my light. Thank you for everything.

Ang

2014-09-27 21.38.22

Are You The ‘Path Of Least Resistance’?

beautyAre you ‘the path of least resistance’? Often I talk to men about how they see women and themselves. The subject came up about the way some men treat the women that they meet.  Some of us ladies assume that we have to be a certain type of woman or we go out of our way to catch the attention of a man. We will basically walk around darn near naked, if that will get the attention of the man we want. Some of us will become an alter ego, where we are basically only mimicking the woman that we assume he wants, and hiding our true selves. All of this we do but the shocking thing is, according to a good many men, this does not endear us to him. Sure you caught his attention. Now what? Beauty fades. Booties sag… Bodies even though they can be altered still get old.  Some men  honestly want more than just a pretty face and a nice body. Sure it is nice but at the end of the day, they have their pick of different available bodies willing to be used. uh uh

I look at myself and at the pictures I take. The way I choose to dress… I look at the people I associate myself with. Why do I do it? Why do I dress the way that I do? Why am I so concerned about my appearance? Why do I care what men think of me? I know a lot of people will look at this article and assume I am going to start bashing women. 2014-03-10-15-29-30--2081377712I am not going to do that. Instead I am simply asking you to look at who you are and who you want to be.  The question above  “Are you the path of least resistance?is meant to make you think. When I talked to my friend and a few dozen other men I asked the question, “Do men already have a set idea about the woman they want to be with?” The majority of them admitted that they do. Not surprising however, the woman they want is NOT the one twerking in the video. She is the toy for most. 

ow veyWhen asked to look at two different pictures of women, one of them with a woman dressed very provocative and the other with a one dressed demurely, most of the men stated that if they were just looking to have sex they would move based on appearance to the ‘path of least resistance’. In other words the woman dressed in the sexy attire seems to be the easier option. Some men assume that a woman dressed very conservatively will take more work. But if a woman is parading around and looking as if she is ‘on the prowl’, all he has to do is spit minimal game and she will fall for it.really trick It’s not to say that she is not to be respected but that she may give the impression that she does not respect herself. We see this type of behavior all the time on social media. Women will take booty pics, grown and sexy challenges, post wild statements or even refer to sex constantly in order to get noticed. We do it even though this is the wrong type of attention. We do it, in spite of the way that some men immediately after seeing those pics or talking to us, start looking at us as nothing more than a wet hole. Sorry to be vulgar but its true.

TwoWeddingPhotographers-3-SNo one is saying to play hard to get. No one is saying start walking around with dresses down to our knees…. No… What I am saying is give him a chance to earn the right to see the sexiest side of you. Stop putting yourself out there with a target on your back. Especially if you are trying to build a relationship. You don’t have to be a sex star all of the time. This does not make you a better woman. It makes you easier prey. Put your boobs and booty away. Stand up straight and face forward. If you want to twerk for your man do it at home and not online and do it for his eyes only. Sex and sexy behavior should be a fun past time and NOT a coat of armor. You are too precious as an individual to keep allowing yourself to be nothing more than the easiest move on a chess board. 

AngChoose-the-guy-who-takes-you-to-his-house-to-meet-his-parents-not-his-bedroom

Control, Project & Lead By Example…

valueExcuses…. someone brought up the subject about women making excuses for each other and it made me think. Sometimes the excuses are good, sometimes bad. The point is they are there, and they can either help or harm us.  I went to bed, and woke up with that thought on my mind. Do we (women) make excuses? Are we the one’s freely giving away the power of self?  Are we so blind to the plights of others that the biggest excuse we give ourselves is that the other woman is somehow different or she asked for it? She allowed herself to be disrespected therefore it is not my problem and that makes it funny. images (96) I asked women how they felt about being called b****es.  For me the answer was outrage as it was for a few others.  For some however,  the answer was “Depends on how it’s being used. ” In other words they argued that the use of this term can actually mean something good. If a woman is called a bad b***h then that means she is about her business.  Well why not simply say that she is good at what she does? Why use a derogatory word and try to make it less derogatory by turning it into a compliment?

uh uhA video was shared on FB by a male friend of mine, that he and other men, found hilarious. I was curious,so I watched it. It talked about how side chicks should ‘stay in their lane’.  As I watched, I was not amused. I grew more furious by the moment.  I sat there and I replayed it, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything.  Then I started reading the comments. “That’s how some women are”. “That’s what women like that get”. These were comments from women. Some of us actually found it funny. When asked about that, a few tried to justify their humor, by saying that if a woman was stupid enough to allow a man to treat her as such, then she gets what she gets. It’s funny now.strone-women-lift This same logic …. these same words follow women everywhere.  Even in the world of domestic abuse, a lot of women will stand by and watch a friend, stranger or even relative being battered and simply say “She stupid for putting up with that. If it was me I would….” Well here’s a newsflash ladies….. every time you do that you are justifying why you made a conscious choice to judge and not act. You made an EXCUSE!

DAUGHTER“Women are forever saying that men treat us like we are cheap and dirty, but we are the ones in control of the images that we put out. We are the ones that control what men see and we control how he will treat us. ” I have repeated this statement a thousand times, even though at times I think it is falling on deaf ears. It is frustrating to see the way some of us women will give over the power of self in order, to please another. Stop making excuses Sisters. Stop being a victim to your own heart and foolishness. If you want respect, be someone who can be respected. Stop looking to others and saying that it is the other woman’s fault and passing the blame, all the while, your own closet is so full of skeletons it resembles a crypt. It is not funny to see a woman selling herself short. It is NOT OK for me to do the same. We are all worth more than we can ever imagine. Ladies stop allowing your dignity and pride as a woman be bought! You don’t have to parade naked to be seen. You don’t have to be loud. You don’t have to be a toy for an unavailable man who will never be yours. You can CHOOSE to be free. The KEY to your life has ALWAYS been in your own hands. YOU control YOU! Now control how you project the real you to the world and teach your daughters. sisters, and friends to do the same. STOP ridiculing other sisters and lead by example. Lift up those who need it. good enough

 

Ang

 

I Forgot To Be Human

10785_652311498172737_1809466878_nWhen life hits you in the face with a two by four, most people are able to bounce back with ease. There are a few that can’t. Some like myself need a little more time to feel the hurt,deal with it and then analyze why it happened. Along that time I go through a dozen different emotions. One of those is depression. I have made no qualms about discussing my problem with anyone that wanted to hear it. I talk openly about the self hatred that I suffered growing up after never quite fitting into a certain image of perfection that I had designed in my own mind. I talk about my penchant for picking bad boys; joking about how if there was a jerk within a five mile radius, I would find him and fall for him. I talk about all of those things and yet do I believe in my own transformation. Recently I went through a serious crisis of faith.1908294_10152475053909709_6050693286807572841_n

I was tormented by the problems in my life and the duties of being a shoulder of so many. I forgot to make time for me. I forgot to breath. I forgot that I was human and therefore not perfect. I forgot that I don’t have to be. There are times when I would look at myself and only see the bad about the person in the mirror all over again. The reason for that is because once I found out I could not handle the entire world, and that things can and will happen to even me. I began to doubt other areas in my life. Suddenly I started looking at the mirror and seeing this overweight woman staring back at me, I would cringe. I looked at the fact that my organization is not  growing by leaps and bounds as I had hoped. I looked at the fact that my book sales seem to be steady but not enough to cause a blip in my financial situation. I looked at myself trying to find work and being turned down time and again for whatever reason. I saw all of the people around me and paranoia set in, making me think that they were laughing at me, behind my back. In school, normally one to excel in class, I found myself on the verge of failing, because one class in particular was just too out of my box. Finally I looked at the fact that I am alone and I wondered why.10325550_10152198698802407_5064911169029293202_n  All of those things I found myself rehashing over and over again until I had become almost despondent. Friends and relatives tried their best to cheer me up but I could not feel any better. I felt as if I were somehow forgotten by God himself.

1554376_10152408577649104_6701424679065276607_nThe reason why I am sharing this is because someone out there may feel the same and I want you to know you are not alone. I felt the urge to just give in but I didn’t. Now much like a soldier returning home from war I am licking my wounds. I am optimistic about GIRLS I know eventually it will span the globe. I am not fat or repulsive, just needing to shed a few pounds. The book will do fine in time, In the meantime I am doing research for future ones. The people around me even if they were talking and laughing then so what? They do not define me and their words only hurt if I allow them to. And that was just one class,I can retake it. Life is not as horrid as I assumed. Being depressed can make us all think the worst BUT remember to breath and feed your soul. Be positive and learn to teach yourself how to roll or absorb the punches life throws at you. I want you to see and understand that I have been where you are and I am still recovering from it. I am not perfect and that is OK! You don’t have to feel alone because you’re not alone. You don’t have to compare your problems to mine, because your pain is your pain, and just as valid. What you have to do is Believe in YOU! You are so much more powerful than you know and so am I. (((HUGS)))10013041_10152025237647634_1538175927_n

Ang

Could Your Post Make Your Rape OK?

jadaA few weeks ago there a young woman was raped and filmed and the pictures were plastered all over social media. She was 16 and after passing out she was stripped and violated. The responses from some men and women, turned my stomach when I talked about and spread the news. A few men blamed the victim.If she wasn’t drunk she would not have been in that situation“. This made me so angry I wanted to start a new war. A lot of people that viewed those pictures thought they were funny and made memes joking and laughing about being Jada’d. What has changed about the world that could make someone that deprived, think that rape was funny? Why are there not more people going around and rallying for justice for this young girl? Why does it seem as if we would rather laugh at violence than change it? Is this who we are? victim blaming

I look on my news feed on different social media, and I am appalled by the number of people posting these videos of women twerking or fighting. We say some of the most ridiculous things when we share this mess. (It is either funny to us or degrading). Today alone, I saw a dozen videos of women shaking their booties. I am not a prude nor do I judge. It’s your body do with it what you will if you are old enough to understand the consequences. don't value My question is why are there so many? It seems that more and more women are jumping at the chance to showcase her ability to drop it like its hot. WHY? How is this showcasing strength? How is this showing us to be  above reproach? Is posting these videos causing some men to not see us as human beings but as fodder for playtime? These questions plague me because just as I was sitting here responding to comments from my post about Jada, I began to think long and hard. If Jada being drunk made rape OK, what does posting a video of a ourselves popping our butts like we have no other means of showing beauty, mean? Will the next argument be  if I posted a video of myself then showed up at a party, I am asking to be raped? What about if I am constantly posting sexy pics of myself online? What if I had a few drinks and danced in front of a group of men?boys consent

How did we get to the point where our girls are posting more and more pics  or worse we are training them on how? I still see disturbing images of teenagers and babies twerking. If the dances and attire of these girls is the same that you would see at a strip club or bar, is this not enticing to the minds of men? Although she is only 13, it doesn’t mean anything if she has the body of a 20 year old, and men won’t respond to it. Come on people! If Jada was raped while at a party, filmed and plastered all over the web to be made fun of, it could just as easily have been our daughter. The threat is not that far away and we as parents may be allowing it to happen.mom and daughter Women I say this to you, before you post a pic of yourself remember that if you have a daughter she may end up doing the same. Just because a man likes the video or pic, doesn’t mean he respects you. Just because you are grown and look good at 25, it doesn’t mean that you will still be proud of that video that you posted 10 or 20 years from now.

Be accountable for the person in your mirror and the one you are raising. Be aware that some people are using the things we do against us. In the case of Jada what if  her attackers were caught and the jury included a few people that felt she asked for it? What will happen next? What if the next victim was your 14 year old niece, but she looks and acts older? Each of those pics shared of Jada were child pornography. Each of the pics our daughters are sending to young men and posting online is child porn. Stop making ourselves out to be only sexual beings. Pull back some and be more sensual. Grown and sexy should not always mean simply grown and popping.  Talk to your kids. really talk TO them and not AT them. Find out if they understand that rape is still rape. Assault is still assault and no one ASKS for it! legacy

Ang

It’s Worse…. Please Wake UP!

kid behind bars     I recently did research for a support group I am trying to build for teenage girls, what I found, upset me so badly that I was physically ill. According to nearly a dozen websites about pedophilia and sexual abuse in Western society  nearly 36% of the sex offenders are CHILDREN.The number of youth coming to the attention of police for sex offenses increases sharply at age 12 and plateaus after age 14. Early adolescence is the peak age for offenses against younger children. Offenses against teenagers surge during mid to late adolescence, while offenses against victims under age 12 decline.” (US Dept of Justice, 2009) 

     Why are our children becoming so sexually violent? A lot of  offenders have been proven to been victims themselves. Today’s society is very over sexed, but now that I am aware of the effect this is having on our youth, I am terrified beyond belief. Most of us may still be a little skeptical of that number, but I can assure you the number is accurate. If anything it might be growing. For most people the definition of a pedophile can depend on perception. In a lot of cultures it is not against the law to have relations with a young child as long as they have gone through puberty. All of that is fact, however, here in the US it is considered to be wrong to have sexual relations with a child. Did you know that the average age of the models on most of the ads are between the ages of 12 and 16? Or that some modeling agencies may consider a young girl of 19 to be too old? That’s not that bad right? Unless…..french-v Consider the fact that the featuring of nudity from a child model is considered art. Sooo images of a 12-year-old dressed very sexually and posed, is not child porn so long as she is doing it for a magazine but if you take a pic of your daughter in a bikini and post it on Facebook it can be seen as suggestive.

juvenile     Over the course of the last few years more and more teen and young adolescents are being labeled as sex offenders. In Maryland just last year a 15-year-old was on trial for 12 counts of child porn after sending pictures of himself to another teen. This means parents, that gone were the days when we could say ‘kids will be kids’. We can no longer justify our young girls and men as experimenting and simply being kids. This is real. It is becoming an epidemic. A 18 year old in Arizona was convicted as a serial rapist for attacking nearly 18 young girls. tyler Kost This young man wasn’t just your typical looking Jeffrey Dahmer type.  It is not just the creepy guy in the van, that we have to be aware of anymore. I would like to think that this young man was actually a fluke but he isn’t. All we have to do is look around us and we can find examples. Recently the web exploded with images of Jeremy Meeks the sexy felon that went viral. Young girls were so enamored by his face that they were willing to overlook the danger of his deeds. The responses and number of women boasting about wanting to help pay bail or be his girl, made me want to throttle them. Imagine if he were a rapist….. Does his looks excuse his behavior then?  In our minds the obvious answer may be no but to teen girls, they may not view rape as unforgivable as we did.

Jeremy meeks     I posted an article on here about the dangers of seeing our young girls as sexual beings. I even took time away from blogging to try to reach young teens due to the marked growth in domestic violence among them.We have to take action now before thinks go any further.  As parents let’s first turn off the sexual images that we see on TV, social media or even the radio. Simply be a parent, teacher or friend in that moment. Talk to your teens and children. Ask them if they have had any situations where they have been made to feel uncomfortable. Make sure our daughters and sons are not so busy looking for the man with horns that they miss the woman with the tail. Or the peer from class that was abused and now seeks to abuse. Understand that things are not like it was when we were kids. We have always had problems with sex offenders and teen sexuality, we did not have the level of indifference to personal accountability and safety that we do now.  Talk to your daughters BEFORE letting them go out, about the dangers of date rape and let her know that if it happens she can talk about it. Talk to your sons about the dangers of the supposed cougar or older woman who just wants to make him a man.slut-shaming-crying-girl-300x300

The other night I was trying to find something to take my mind off of this horror when while perusing Netflix I came upon this movie. Are All Men Pedophiles. I had a lump in my throat already from the different websites that talked about child sexuality, but after watching that video I was literally in tears. I had to disprove it. I went on a full search that led into to the early in the morning. I wanted to find evidence to debunk these preposterous claims. I cried because I could not find anything. We have allowed our society to become over sexed and as a result we as a society can not distinguish whom among us are the real predators.

Girl_Teenager_8522132_H     In the documentary above one of the doctors above actually postulated that in the not so distant future pedophilia may actually be considered as an orientation much like homosexuality was. The difference as she stated was that the person must not act on the urges. I thought about that all night and morning. It just would not leave my mind. Because in the video there were a few pedophiles that were married and openly admitted to having sexual fantasies about children. Does being open about it make it OK? The documentary did not say so but it seemed to me that the people who appeared on camera thought so.  So should they be listed as sex offenders still if they have not technically committed a crime?

     We are going after children for posting pictures yet we (adults),  continue to glorify sexuality in everything they see. Reality TV shows, movies, games, music, internet, social media all of these things are all pretty much dominated by sex. Even some of our supposed Disney and kid friendly programming are still have the hint of sex. To be honest the way that we are going are we not making it easy for the true pedophile to be more tempted to be an offending pedophile? He/she can simply turn on the TV or go outside and we are literally handing our children up as sacrificial lambs.  Our children see us doing the same things that we tell them not to. We have become hypocrites in our own homes and then we wonder why they no longer listen to us. Are they becoming so violent because we are violent?

What can we do? How can we stop this epidemic? This nightmare has to end….. It’s time to WAKE UP!

adorable