It’s not your fault. Sexual, physical and mental abuse can happen to anyone. It does not mean that you are a bad person or that you somehow deserved it. You are not to blame!
This message more than ever goes out to those still struggling with the pain of surviving abuse. Recently I received a call from a family member about a young girl that was being molested by her mom’s boyfriend. She talked about the horrors she felt living in the same house with this monster and the betrayal she felt. She had informed her mother about the abuse and yet her mother did not believe her and stood by her man. This baby’s nightmare had me in tears because it paralleled my own years ago.
This is the reason I decided to write this for parents and survivors. I want everyone to know what goes through the mind of a sexually abused child…..Its my fault…. I am to blame…. I hate myself…. I don’t matter…. Why won’t someone believe me?!.…..These were my thoughts at one point in time.If you ask your child or another abused child you might be surprised to learn these are their thoughts as well….. I can vividly recall the fear and revulsion I felt at being touched. As with the young woman that I spoke with, my mother knew of the horrors I suffered. It took years to battle through the pain and suffering so that I can hold up my head unashamed. The scars of abuse is not something that just magically melt away because we age.
It is one thing to see the tears and to hear the fear but to understand the shame is something that we all need to truly know. In this young girl’s world her mother chose to not believe her. Sadly the more young girls and boys become brave enough to talk about their survival, the more it becomes shockingly apparent how many claim their parents fail to believe their kids, or they are aware and do nothing.
For some women the fear of being alone can blind us to the actions of the ‘good man’ that we love. I am not saying that all men are pedophiles or that mothers are to blame. No I am strictly talking to the parents, and men and women with children who have exhibited signs that are being missed or not taken seriously.
If you suspect your child may be being abused or feel helpless to stop it, I am not going to start bashing your reasons for not acting I am Begging you to act now. A child doesn’t register time like adults, 15 minutes can be an eternity. ACT NOW! Even one time can shatter a lifetime….
As adults and parents, we arrogantly assume we can tell who poses a risk. If an individual generally behaves well, does good things for others, is respected by others or fun to be with, then we instinctively believe they’re safe. I implore all men and women to please, please listen to your children. Look for changes in behavior and signs of depression, aggression and anxiety. Ask questions. Go to the school. Be diligent. Abuse doesn’t have to be at home. Mom and Dad you are your child’s first super heroes so suit up.
Peace and love Fam,