Put Your Child First!

girls laughingChildren are our most precious gifts. It is our duty to protect them from all harm, sometimes that includes protecting them from ourselves. Millions of children have unwanted and abusive sexual experiences. Many of them believe, that someone else knows or should know about their situation, but does little or nothing to protect them.Where is Mom? Dad? A few survivors tell adults what’s going on. They seek protection and help,however oftentimes they are met with disbelief, denial, blame, or even punishment.

How can that be?child_abuse_facts_by_missfruitcupp-d3gr7x1

It’s hard to imagine that there can be any “good reason” for failing to protect a vulnerable child. Kids may feel doubly betrayed by someone’s failure to help. They  were in danger, someone should have protected them and chose not to…period. For this there is no excuse. There is no way to rationalize inaction. understanding-child-abuse-fbSurviving abuse is a long and arduous journey and although scars can heal, wounds can remain constant.  Because I am trying to prove a point this article will be a little harsh and may offend a few. For this I ask your forgiveness but I am not sorry.

black-girl-looking-in-the-mirrorRecently I was introduced to a young girl that was being sexually assaulted by her mom’s boyfriend. The little girl was lost and afraid and did not know who to turn to. She described how this monster would meet her coming out of the shower and tell her to drop her towel. She cried as she talked about him touching her inappropriately and coming into her room.She was terrified and alone and worse she felt betrayed. Why? She was betrayed because her mother knew about the abuse but did not believe her. She was betrayed because no adult would listen to her.Stop-Child-abuse-now-stop-child-abuse-16726742-380-324 I wish her story was not common however since I began trying to reach young girls over the years, I hear tales of terror like this all the time. Including my own. I am a survivor of abuse and like this young girl, I remember having to double check the bathroom door and make sure it stayed locked, before jumping in the shower. I remember laying awake at night and praying that for once the door would remain shut and no one would enter. I remember the betrayal of family and friends. Her story was mine! I have a dozen other examples and that number keeps growing.

Child_Abuse_by_corwyn581Do you see the pattern? Here 25 years difference and 2  different generations and yet our stories are similar. The common denominator aside from abuse was the betrayal, disbelief and indifference of adults.  Being a mom is hard and being a single mom can be very challenging to say the least. It is a privilege so many enjoy but some (married or not), squander  away. Daily there are news reports about moms that have harmed or allowed to be harmed their own children. Why? Is it because of men? Are some women so selfish and focused on what or who they want that they are willing to overlook their child to do it? Is having a man more important than making sure that your daughter/son is safe? Does your child not have value?

Stop-child-abuse-stop-child-abuse-30729625-1024-409Put them first.

Understand that ALL claims of abuse must be investigated and believed until proven otherwise.  If you are afraid of being alone, then imagine how lonely your child feels living with this nightmare. They depend on you to take care of them. When we made the choice to be mothers, we also chose to forgo self to a point. That means that if we have to let go of someone that is not a fit for our family then so be it. Tomorrow is a new day and eventually we will find love again. If you suspect a child is being abused, please for the love of all things good, call someone. DO something. ACT immediately. Be a champion for someone that needs you. Be that warrior mother and not an enabler.child abuse hotline

Ang

2 thoughts on “Put Your Child First!

  1. I was sexually abused by a female cousin when I was 8 years old then from the age of 13 years old I was sexually abused by my brother. My Mother knew about this because I told her that it was happening but she did nothing about it. In fact she blamed me for what happened and called me a dirty, disgusting little girl. It was devastating for me to live through and I have never really gotten over it – even to this day and I am 49. I am receiving therapy and trying hard to let go of the bottled-up feelings of anger and grief about my Mother. I loved and trusted her and truly believed that she would help me – but she never did. Later I tried to speak with her “adult-to-adult” but she treated me in much the same way. She ignored what I said and blamed me for hurting her by bringing the subject up. I have a 12 year-old son and I would never, ever treat him that way. I find it hard to believe that my own flesh and blood would ignore a child in pain.

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    • Hi Alison,
      Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry to hear about your pain.I found myself in tears reading your story. I went through the same horror of my mother knowing about the abuse and doing nothing.And like you I tried to bring it up later in life, since we were both adults. My mother was not ready to face what she had allowed her daughters to endure and the pain caused me no end of self esteem and image issues as a young girl. I was blamed too. I began to hate my body and everything about me and it took a long time before I was finally able to look at my mom and say “I forgive you” I had to first forgive myself because I was NOT to blame. I did not ask for it. I was a child and he was a monster. I know it is hard for a lot of survivors like us to understand how anyone could ignore their children and yet it seems that more parents are choosing to do just that. I think it is only through awareness and people like you who tell their stories and the pain you suffer that force some women to open their eyes. Maybe a lot of them like both of our mothers are content to keep blinders on and not deal with their guilt but I am stubborn enough to keep removing them. I commend you your path. I am so proud of your bravery for not letting your past destroy you. You are one tough cookie! (((Hugs))) sister!
      Ang

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