Beauty…That is You!

Beautyimages (55)

Why do you refuse to see…. the beauty that is you?

Look in the mirror,

Do you see that smile,

that grin, those eyes and hair?

That is you!

That is beauty!

Do you see a heart full of love and understanding?

Do you see a mind so full of wonder and imagining?

That is you!

That is beauty!

If you can’t see beauty, come here sister, let me show you how….

Stand before your mirror, take off your weave, take off your earrings, lashes, and makeup…

Remove your fashionable clothes and stand proudly, naked as the day you were born…

Run your fingers through the crown that you have always adorned

Stare long and hard at the person there before you. Who is she?

She is you.

She is me.

She is we…

And we are beauty!

white-black-woman

Stand there a few moments longer until it starts to feel funny.

Tell yourself all the things that you don’t like and want to change. Be honest honey.

This is not to tear you down,

So turn off that frown.

Look long at hard, who is she?

 She is you.

She is me.

She is we.

And we are beauty!hatuoltramiss

So you have a little more cushion here or there? No matter.

Bodies can change, weight can be lost, but will that make you better?

No? Why not? People say all the time how happy they are being thin or thick.

They talk about the physical as if it isn’t fleeting,

Forgetting all the while that even the heart stops beating.

Your body means nothing, not your booty or boobs

Even the best plastic surgeon can’t keep up a ruse

Look back at that person in YOUR mirror. Now close your eyes and wish to change.

Wish to change your hair, your eyes, your body and image….Wish for money and fame, diamonds and cars

Wish with all your might to be living large.

Open your eyes and what do you see

Nothing has changed you are still you. I am still me.

Is it a bad thing? No it is fine…

We are both still descended from an amazing line…

We are beauty!pretty-black-woman

Your hair is your own, it is your crown

Wear it proudly

Be you loudly.

Your clothes are an extension of you.

They don’t have to compare to someone else’s boo.

You are who you are, as well you should.

Smile sister, I knew you could.

Your reflection is the real you and that is good.

You are human and as such not perfect,

Your body is your body not a defect.UPTOWN_overweight_woman

Accept who you are and be amazed

You don’t have to conform

You are still norm

You are beauty personified,

That is Beauty,

That is you.

Are You The ‘Path Of Least Resistance’?

beautyAre you ‘the path of least resistance’? Often I talk to men about how they see women and themselves. The subject came up about the way some men treat the women that they meet.  Some of us ladies assume that we have to be a certain type of woman or we go out of our way to catch the attention of a man. We will basically walk around darn near naked, if that will get the attention of the man we want. Some of us will become an alter ego, where we are basically only mimicking the woman that we assume he wants, and hiding our true selves. All of this we do but the shocking thing is, according to a good many men, this does not endear us to him. Sure you caught his attention. Now what? Beauty fades. Booties sag… Bodies even though they can be altered still get old.  Some men  honestly want more than just a pretty face and a nice body. Sure it is nice but at the end of the day, they have their pick of different available bodies willing to be used. uh uh

I look at myself and at the pictures I take. The way I choose to dress… I look at the people I associate myself with. Why do I do it? Why do I dress the way that I do? Why am I so concerned about my appearance? Why do I care what men think of me? I know a lot of people will look at this article and assume I am going to start bashing women. 2014-03-10-15-29-30--2081377712I am not going to do that. Instead I am simply asking you to look at who you are and who you want to be.  The question above  “Are you the path of least resistance?is meant to make you think. When I talked to my friend and a few dozen other men I asked the question, “Do men already have a set idea about the woman they want to be with?” The majority of them admitted that they do. Not surprising however, the woman they want is NOT the one twerking in the video. She is the toy for most. 

ow veyWhen asked to look at two different pictures of women, one of them with a woman dressed very provocative and the other with a one dressed demurely, most of the men stated that if they were just looking to have sex they would move based on appearance to the ‘path of least resistance’. In other words the woman dressed in the sexy attire seems to be the easier option. Some men assume that a woman dressed very conservatively will take more work. But if a woman is parading around and looking as if she is ‘on the prowl’, all he has to do is spit minimal game and she will fall for it.really trick It’s not to say that she is not to be respected but that she may give the impression that she does not respect herself. We see this type of behavior all the time on social media. Women will take booty pics, grown and sexy challenges, post wild statements or even refer to sex constantly in order to get noticed. We do it even though this is the wrong type of attention. We do it, in spite of the way that some men immediately after seeing those pics or talking to us, start looking at us as nothing more than a wet hole. Sorry to be vulgar but its true.

TwoWeddingPhotographers-3-SNo one is saying to play hard to get. No one is saying start walking around with dresses down to our knees…. No… What I am saying is give him a chance to earn the right to see the sexiest side of you. Stop putting yourself out there with a target on your back. Especially if you are trying to build a relationship. You don’t have to be a sex star all of the time. This does not make you a better woman. It makes you easier prey. Put your boobs and booty away. Stand up straight and face forward. If you want to twerk for your man do it at home and not online and do it for his eyes only. Sex and sexy behavior should be a fun past time and NOT a coat of armor. You are too precious as an individual to keep allowing yourself to be nothing more than the easiest move on a chess board. 

AngChoose-the-guy-who-takes-you-to-his-house-to-meet-his-parents-not-his-bedroom

Control, Project & Lead By Example…

valueExcuses…. someone brought up the subject about women making excuses for each other and it made me think. Sometimes the excuses are good, sometimes bad. The point is they are there, and they can either help or harm us.  I went to bed, and woke up with that thought on my mind. Do we (women) make excuses? Are we the one’s freely giving away the power of self?  Are we so blind to the plights of others that the biggest excuse we give ourselves is that the other woman is somehow different or she asked for it? She allowed herself to be disrespected therefore it is not my problem and that makes it funny. images (96) I asked women how they felt about being called b****es.  For me the answer was outrage as it was for a few others.  For some however,  the answer was “Depends on how it’s being used. ” In other words they argued that the use of this term can actually mean something good. If a woman is called a bad b***h then that means she is about her business.  Well why not simply say that she is good at what she does? Why use a derogatory word and try to make it less derogatory by turning it into a compliment?

uh uhA video was shared on FB by a male friend of mine, that he and other men, found hilarious. I was curious,so I watched it. It talked about how side chicks should ‘stay in their lane’.  As I watched, I was not amused. I grew more furious by the moment.  I sat there and I replayed it, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything.  Then I started reading the comments. “That’s how some women are”. “That’s what women like that get”. These were comments from women. Some of us actually found it funny. When asked about that, a few tried to justify their humor, by saying that if a woman was stupid enough to allow a man to treat her as such, then she gets what she gets. It’s funny now.strone-women-lift This same logic …. these same words follow women everywhere.  Even in the world of domestic abuse, a lot of women will stand by and watch a friend, stranger or even relative being battered and simply say “She stupid for putting up with that. If it was me I would….” Well here’s a newsflash ladies….. every time you do that you are justifying why you made a conscious choice to judge and not act. You made an EXCUSE!

DAUGHTER“Women are forever saying that men treat us like we are cheap and dirty, but we are the ones in control of the images that we put out. We are the ones that control what men see and we control how he will treat us. ” I have repeated this statement a thousand times, even though at times I think it is falling on deaf ears. It is frustrating to see the way some of us women will give over the power of self in order, to please another. Stop making excuses Sisters. Stop being a victim to your own heart and foolishness. If you want respect, be someone who can be respected. Stop looking to others and saying that it is the other woman’s fault and passing the blame, all the while, your own closet is so full of skeletons it resembles a crypt. It is not funny to see a woman selling herself short. It is NOT OK for me to do the same. We are all worth more than we can ever imagine. Ladies stop allowing your dignity and pride as a woman be bought! You don’t have to parade naked to be seen. You don’t have to be loud. You don’t have to be a toy for an unavailable man who will never be yours. You can CHOOSE to be free. The KEY to your life has ALWAYS been in your own hands. YOU control YOU! Now control how you project the real you to the world and teach your daughters. sisters, and friends to do the same. STOP ridiculing other sisters and lead by example. Lift up those who need it. good enough

 

Ang

 

I Forgot To Be Human

10785_652311498172737_1809466878_nWhen life hits you in the face with a two by four, most people are able to bounce back with ease. There are a few that can’t. Some like myself need a little more time to feel the hurt,deal with it and then analyze why it happened. Along that time I go through a dozen different emotions. One of those is depression. I have made no qualms about discussing my problem with anyone that wanted to hear it. I talk openly about the self hatred that I suffered growing up after never quite fitting into a certain image of perfection that I had designed in my own mind. I talk about my penchant for picking bad boys; joking about how if there was a jerk within a five mile radius, I would find him and fall for him. I talk about all of those things and yet do I believe in my own transformation. Recently I went through a serious crisis of faith.1908294_10152475053909709_6050693286807572841_n

I was tormented by the problems in my life and the duties of being a shoulder of so many. I forgot to make time for me. I forgot to breath. I forgot that I was human and therefore not perfect. I forgot that I don’t have to be. There are times when I would look at myself and only see the bad about the person in the mirror all over again. The reason for that is because once I found out I could not handle the entire world, and that things can and will happen to even me. I began to doubt other areas in my life. Suddenly I started looking at the mirror and seeing this overweight woman staring back at me, I would cringe. I looked at the fact that my organization is not  growing by leaps and bounds as I had hoped. I looked at the fact that my book sales seem to be steady but not enough to cause a blip in my financial situation. I looked at myself trying to find work and being turned down time and again for whatever reason. I saw all of the people around me and paranoia set in, making me think that they were laughing at me, behind my back. In school, normally one to excel in class, I found myself on the verge of failing, because one class in particular was just too out of my box. Finally I looked at the fact that I am alone and I wondered why.10325550_10152198698802407_5064911169029293202_n  All of those things I found myself rehashing over and over again until I had become almost despondent. Friends and relatives tried their best to cheer me up but I could not feel any better. I felt as if I were somehow forgotten by God himself.

1554376_10152408577649104_6701424679065276607_nThe reason why I am sharing this is because someone out there may feel the same and I want you to know you are not alone. I felt the urge to just give in but I didn’t. Now much like a soldier returning home from war I am licking my wounds. I am optimistic about GIRLS I know eventually it will span the globe. I am not fat or repulsive, just needing to shed a few pounds. The book will do fine in time, In the meantime I am doing research for future ones. The people around me even if they were talking and laughing then so what? They do not define me and their words only hurt if I allow them to. And that was just one class,I can retake it. Life is not as horrid as I assumed. Being depressed can make us all think the worst BUT remember to breath and feed your soul. Be positive and learn to teach yourself how to roll or absorb the punches life throws at you. I want you to see and understand that I have been where you are and I am still recovering from it. I am not perfect and that is OK! You don’t have to feel alone because you’re not alone. You don’t have to compare your problems to mine, because your pain is your pain, and just as valid. What you have to do is Believe in YOU! You are so much more powerful than you know and so am I. (((HUGS)))10013041_10152025237647634_1538175927_n

Ang