It’s Worse…. Please Wake UP!

kid behind bars     I recently did research for a support group I am trying to build for teenage girls, what I found, upset me so badly that I was physically ill. According to nearly a dozen websites about pedophilia and sexual abuse in Western society  nearly 36% of the sex offenders are CHILDREN.The number of youth coming to the attention of police for sex offenses increases sharply at age 12 and plateaus after age 14. Early adolescence is the peak age for offenses against younger children. Offenses against teenagers surge during mid to late adolescence, while offenses against victims under age 12 decline.” (US Dept of Justice, 2009) 

     Why are our children becoming so sexually violent? A lot of  offenders have been proven to been victims themselves. Today’s society is very over sexed, but now that I am aware of the effect this is having on our youth, I am terrified beyond belief. Most of us may still be a little skeptical of that number, but I can assure you the number is accurate. If anything it might be growing. For most people the definition of a pedophile can depend on perception. In a lot of cultures it is not against the law to have relations with a young child as long as they have gone through puberty. All of that is fact, however, here in the US it is considered to be wrong to have sexual relations with a child. Did you know that the average age of the models on most of the ads are between the ages of 12 and 16? Or that some modeling agencies may consider a young girl of 19 to be too old? That’s not that bad right? Unless…..french-v Consider the fact that the featuring of nudity from a child model is considered art. Sooo images of a 12-year-old dressed very sexually and posed, is not child porn so long as she is doing it for a magazine but if you take a pic of your daughter in a bikini and post it on Facebook it can be seen as suggestive.

juvenile     Over the course of the last few years more and more teen and young adolescents are being labeled as sex offenders. In Maryland just last year a 15-year-old was on trial for 12 counts of child porn after sending pictures of himself to another teen. This means parents, that gone were the days when we could say ‘kids will be kids’. We can no longer justify our young girls and men as experimenting and simply being kids. This is real. It is becoming an epidemic. A 18 year old in Arizona was convicted as a serial rapist for attacking nearly 18 young girls. tyler Kost This young man wasn’t just your typical looking Jeffrey Dahmer type.  It is not just the creepy guy in the van, that we have to be aware of anymore. I would like to think that this young man was actually a fluke but he isn’t. All we have to do is look around us and we can find examples. Recently the web exploded with images of Jeremy Meeks the sexy felon that went viral. Young girls were so enamored by his face that they were willing to overlook the danger of his deeds. The responses and number of women boasting about wanting to help pay bail or be his girl, made me want to throttle them. Imagine if he were a rapist….. Does his looks excuse his behavior then?  In our minds the obvious answer may be no but to teen girls, they may not view rape as unforgivable as we did.

Jeremy meeks     I posted an article on here about the dangers of seeing our young girls as sexual beings. I even took time away from blogging to try to reach young teens due to the marked growth in domestic violence among them.We have to take action now before thinks go any further.  As parents let’s first turn off the sexual images that we see on TV, social media or even the radio. Simply be a parent, teacher or friend in that moment. Talk to your teens and children. Ask them if they have had any situations where they have been made to feel uncomfortable. Make sure our daughters and sons are not so busy looking for the man with horns that they miss the woman with the tail. Or the peer from class that was abused and now seeks to abuse. Understand that things are not like it was when we were kids. We have always had problems with sex offenders and teen sexuality, we did not have the level of indifference to personal accountability and safety that we do now.  Talk to your daughters BEFORE letting them go out, about the dangers of date rape and let her know that if it happens she can talk about it. Talk to your sons about the dangers of the supposed cougar or older woman who just wants to make him a man.slut-shaming-crying-girl-300x300

The other night I was trying to find something to take my mind off of this horror when while perusing Netflix I came upon this movie. Are All Men Pedophiles. I had a lump in my throat already from the different websites that talked about child sexuality, but after watching that video I was literally in tears. I had to disprove it. I went on a full search that led into to the early in the morning. I wanted to find evidence to debunk these preposterous claims. I cried because I could not find anything. We have allowed our society to become over sexed and as a result we as a society can not distinguish whom among us are the real predators.

Girl_Teenager_8522132_H     In the documentary above one of the doctors above actually postulated that in the not so distant future pedophilia may actually be considered as an orientation much like homosexuality was. The difference as she stated was that the person must not act on the urges. I thought about that all night and morning. It just would not leave my mind. Because in the video there were a few pedophiles that were married and openly admitted to having sexual fantasies about children. Does being open about it make it OK? The documentary did not say so but it seemed to me that the people who appeared on camera thought so.  So should they be listed as sex offenders still if they have not technically committed a crime?

     We are going after children for posting pictures yet we (adults),  continue to glorify sexuality in everything they see. Reality TV shows, movies, games, music, internet, social media all of these things are all pretty much dominated by sex. Even some of our supposed Disney and kid friendly programming are still have the hint of sex. To be honest the way that we are going are we not making it easy for the true pedophile to be more tempted to be an offending pedophile? He/she can simply turn on the TV or go outside and we are literally handing our children up as sacrificial lambs.  Our children see us doing the same things that we tell them not to. We have become hypocrites in our own homes and then we wonder why they no longer listen to us. Are they becoming so violent because we are violent?

What can we do? How can we stop this epidemic? This nightmare has to end….. It’s time to WAKE UP!

adorable

Casualties Of War….Who Will Be Their Guides?….

teen girlsLooking at the next generation, I am left wondering who will lead them? If mom and dad have been replaced by reality TV and music, who is raising our kids? And who will be there to raise and teach their children? What happened to imaginations and playtime? What happened to compassion and empathy?  What happened to shame? Where did all this anger come from? Why can we no longer carry on conversations with each other in person, and yet we will text or talk all day on social media? Why has society changed so drastically and not in a good way? There are so many questions, and yet I really do not have all of the answers. The more I try to come up with answers, the more questions I have. The more I question, the angrier I get. Not at the individuals, but at the seeming futility of trying to find solutions that are as long-lasting as they are needed. It is as if we are fighting a war with some invisible enemy. Someone or something is generating such discontent but what? Who? What if the enemy is really us?10171227_758121634211546_71165956_n

Instead of a nation of free thinkers; we are now one full of followers. The media and celebrities determine acceptable behavior and not mom and dad.How did this happen? Our sons and daughters are becoming carbon images of a contrived money machine. Not a particular person, but a formula for one that has just enough reality in it, to make it palatable to most and believed by nearly all.  The media has glorified ignorant and dramatic behavior because it drives ratings, and women are simply falling into the trap of trying to fit that role. We don’t have young women looking up to the older paragons of decorum and class, since those women only get a few moments of screen time, while the loud mouth and obnoxious women of these pretend reality shows, get prime time.

Teenage girls smokingTake a long look at the behavior of girls and young women. It is both fascinating as it is scary, to see some of us interact with each other. Women are becoming really mean-spirited when it comes to other women. We have always been very competitive, but now girls are competitive for no reason at all. We have girls in elementary school bullying, and treating other little girls like they are trash. teen_talk_depresssion_emo_cutting_02_jpg_70331Girls in middle school that are sexually active, and girls in high school that are so emotionally battered, they have no idea who they are. The level of indifference to the plight of other women,  is really shocking to me as a woman and human being. I don’t understand the degrees of hatred, that can cause young girls and boys of as young as nine or ten to commit suicide or cut themselves, after being bullied, but that is becoming the norm.

Young women are emulating what they see, and not just their environment. These girls may come from what we would consider perfect homes, but they are so full of anger for reasons that even they don’t understand. I like so many others, have seen this change and attribute it to the images they are being subjected to, lack of identity, and desire to fit in. Girls see women that act like wenches get their own reality shows and become famous for being bad. They see a woman become famous for sleeping with different men and think that it is normal.smallparn If you were a young girl would you seek to be like her because you want to be famous or would you be individual enough to understand that behavior is not the way to go? A lot of us can’t answer that question because we are doing exactly what those girls are doing. We are mimicking what we see.

If children start believing they have no value, why would they try to listen to any adult? If women are resenting the roles of mother and men are ignoring the role of fathers where does that leave the children? How does that affect the way they see and value themselves? sista sadHow do some kids reconcile with the fact that their mother is only 15 years older than them? Or that mom is actually in the club more than you are? Or dad is messing around and, has a baby by, a girl that you went to school with? How did the roles of parents become affected by the changes in men and women? The children are the one constant, since when did they become casualties of war?’

strong-women Parenting is not easy. There is no sure-fire way to guarantee your child will grow up perfect. The only thing that parents can do is be a stable guide to our charges while they are in our protection.  I am sure it may have been easier to get along with your child if they treated you like an equal and not like the next thing to God in their world but having a leader to look upon for guidance is imperative to survival for children. As a parent how can you lead if you are afraid to rock the boat and assert authority?  If you listen to the mouths of the media and the negativity you see around you, it is easy to assume that this generation is lost. I refuse to believe that. We can all change if we choose to and are shown the way. Realizing this I thought of a tentative answer to this war. The solution is the person in your mirror. Teach by example. Guide by your actions. Show the next generation what it means to dream and achieve. Be a parent, teacher, guardian before being a friend. Turn off all other distractions for your child and watch her blossom. selah2-1

Why Sistah Why?

download (30)Why Sistah? Why?

Why do you refuse to see your value?

Your beauty? … Your crown?….

Why do you look to a flat screen instead of a mirror to see you?

Why do you not have your own identity?

Why must you see other queens as competition instead of sister?

Why is it ok to be scandalous but embarrassing to stand by your man?

Why Sistah why?images (68)

Why do you cry, in the dark, hating who you are, because you fail to measure up to some fake image of perfection?

Why do you hide behind makeup, false lashes and weave? Your hair is beautiful, your eyes are too.

Why do you allow yourself to be seen as nothing more than a pair of boobs, a big butt and a baby maker?

Why Sistah why?

Why is it ok that Sistahs are seen as loud mouthed, brash and unintelligent by the media, and some of us are stupid enough to think it is funny or doesn’t matter?

Why Sistah why?blackwomen_b

Why do you choose to fight each other over a man that belongs to neither of you?

Why do you allow yourselves to have so many children out of wedlock, and yet call the man you are shacking with ‘Hubby’?

Why don’t you want more? Why don’t you demand more?

Why Sistah why?

Why do you not read books, but you will read Facebook, Instagram or twitter?

Why is it OK to be called a ‘Bitch’ as long as the word ‘Bad’ is placed in front of it? You’re not a beast so why liken yourself to one?

Why do we call other Sistahs that are not following a stereotype, Bougie or ‘not black enough’?

How black is ‘Black’ enough’?

Why is it ok to be labeled a baby mama and not a mother?

Why? Why? Why?….

Why Daughter why?teenage-girl-475

Why baby girl do you not know who you are?

Why do you hate the image in your mirror?

Why are you becoming a young woman that is so full of confusion, and despair?

Why Daughter why?……

Answer…

I am who I am, and learned what I do from watching you. I am a reflection of you. Why Mother Why,… did you not see this sooner?feeling low