Why am I so insecure? A lot of us ask this question daily. We look at ourselves with critical eyes and without knowing it we already see the person in the mirror as lacking. We may compare ourselves to friends or coworkers. We may look at someone on television and instead of seeing ourselves as the vision that we are, we see someone possibly lacking. We think we don’t look as good as them or that we can’t possibly measure up to them. In truth you can never measure up to anyone. The only person you can measure up to is YOU. You are as beautiful as YOU see that you are. You are as handsome as YOU see that you are. You are not like everyone else and that is the way it is supposed to be.
Personal validation is imperative to your own growth and understanding of self. Daily I see or hear people looking for outside influences to tell them that they are worth more than they should already know that they are. You are much more than you think if you would just see it. This insecure view that we have of ourselves feeds this strange loathing of the person in the mirror. Eventually everything that you despise, you start to hate. That is a normal reaction but in this case it is not founded. You might look at yourself and see someone less than perfect but that doesn’t mean that you are right in that belief. Believe it or not Insecurity is a learned behavior. We are not born hating self. We are not born feeling inadequate. We are born exactly as we were meant to. We can not change the circumstances of our birth. We can not change genetics. We are who we are for a reason.
Learning to be secure is vital to our survival as a species. Turn off the destructive thoughts in your mind. They are actually not really yours in the first place. A six-year-old does not know that she is not perfect unless someone outside of herself tells her that she isn’t. And not in the way that you think. I am not talking about some mean person or kid telling her she is ugly. Imagine being a little girl with black hair in a room full of blonds.Because she is not like everyone, she may begin to feel like an outcast. She wasn’t meant to be. She is uniquely opposite from them because that s the way that she was created. She is not different. She still has the same two eyes, two hands, two legs as the others, she is simply genetically structured in a different manner. Now here is where the learned behavior comes into play. These same little girls have been taught by parents, media and society that different is weird. Different is not weird. It is UNIQUE.
Turn off society. Turn off parents and friends. Turn off those that seek to tear us down. Turn on your own acceptance. So what if you have black hair, blond hair or blue skin.You were born that way. There is nothing you could’ve done to change that. We can’t change genetics. Physical changes that we do to our person to alter our appearance are superficial. We can dye our hair. But it will not change the fact that genetically you still have black hair and that is OK. We have to come to terms with that acceptance of self. I am not saying that you can not change yourself. I am saying that before we start heading to the surgeons office to get a nose job at 16, or seeking to imitate the person we see on the TV or on the web, first see what it is like to walk around in your own unchanged and accepted shoes.
Even modeling agencies are starting to understand that unique can be beautiful. If you were to use that same critical eye that you look at yourself and look at some of the models in Vogue magazine you might find yourself smiling. Sure most models have perfect bodies on film or camera but most of that is airbrushed and photoshop. They can look exactly like you and I without all of the makeup and pizzazz. So before you look at Beyonce’, Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie or even Jennifer Anniston and start to feel inadequate, look in the mirror and smile. You are just as beautiful as they are. YOU just have to see it. Before you start looking at your friends or people around you and assuming that you don’t measure up, understand you were not meant to. Physically they may be different but again that is simply on a genetic level. We are still equal. There are no mistakes in nature so stop looking at yourself as if you are.
Learn to be Vain with you. Every time you walk past a mirror start blowing yourself a little kiss. Start looking at your nose or cheek bones as an asset to the unique you. Start seeing that although you may not look like someone else it doesn’t make them better. It doesn’t make you worse. It doesn’t mean you are not as special. They are not a threat in your world because you are both the same. You are just as fabulous as me. No more and no less. I am just as awesome as you. No more no less. We are all truly perfectly imperfect and that is OK. Validate YOURSELF daily. You may not be God’s gift to the world but you are his gift to YOU. Don’t insult him by acting as if that gift is cheap.