Depression is horrible enough without the added insult of others. Sometimes the people closest to you are the ones poisoning the air you breath. People have a tendency to forget that just because a person wears the label friend, that doesn’t mean they are your friend. In other words before saying that life sucks make sure that you check the circle of people around you first to make sure it is not that you are surrounded by a bunch of toxic individuals or if we are the toxic ones…. We all desire to be loved and that is a great thing. We need and crave that in our lives. But don’t be so blinded by the desire for love and acceptance that you find yourself feeling like you don’t matter. You might see yourself as an outsider that doesn’t quite fit in. The loner that is always hurting or the friend that is always there for everyone else but no one cares about.
People can be selfish. This includes the ones we love like family as well as those related by blood. There are no exemptions. Most of us are so single-minded that we can look at ourselves in the mirror on a daily basis and tell ourselves that we are truly good people and yet we treat others as if they don’t matter. We don’t notice that slight until it happens to us. We don’t see that we are just as guilty as the rest of the world. We see only the things that we want or we wear rose-tinted glasses and see only the good that we do. We overlook the bad. We overlook the arrogance and ignorance that we ooze out of every pore. We allow our own insecurities and control issues to cause us to act in different ways that are not beneficial to anyone but the person in the mirror and then wonder why the world shuns us.
Understanding people and being a good person means stepping outside of your own mirror for a second and trying to put yourself in the other persons shoes. Sure you may have gone through similar issues than them but that doesn’t make you better. It should color the way that you treat them however. Instead of tuning up your nose, I suggest you remember that just as you came up you can also be brought down harder than you can ever imagine. Karma is truly a beast. She does not care if you have a thousand degrees, claim to have a heart of gold or are simply skating through life with butter shoes. I continually talk about being a good person and not simply saying that I am one. I say this because I genuinely believe that I am a good person. I assumed that because I try to see the good in people that would make them good. I believed in loving everyone. I did not see myself hating another person even though they may have done me false. I still worry and try to love them with the open heart of a friend. I began to wonder why if I loved the world did the world not love me back? I began to see that people for all of their posturing are really not as good as they claim.
My heart would break all of the time, because I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by people. I was in a one-sided relationship with the world around me. I loved them and they loved themselves. For all of my professions of love and understanding in the lives of those closest to me I realized I did not have the same meaning in theirs. I was not as important to them. I would go out of my way trying to not hurt their feelings while they did nothing to spare mine. The term friendship to most of us is a loose term just like the word good. We pretend to be friends but we are actually simply holding the door for others to exit our world. I found out the hard way that my inner circle even though it was very small was actually not even close to being a circle. It was more of a squiggly line of dots with me in the center trying hard to survive. I felt alone because I was alone.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel. It may seem hard at first but like me you can hopefully understand that you don’t have to be alone in a room full of people. You can be alive in one. You do NOT have to simply fade into the wallpaper.You am not invisible. Refuse to not be seen. Refuse to accept being unheard. A woman once said to me that “If you have to dumb down to be friends, then you just need better friends.” I realize the truth in that statement now. I deserve better friends and so do you. Stop settling for the adage that life sucks… No life doesn’t really suck maybe the people we know do. Stand up and fight this one battle. Depression is hard enough. Some things we can not do to change that but this is one that we all can. Stop allowing others to run roughshod over your emotions. Start speaking up. If a person is really your friend then they will hear and understand and if they don’t then oh well. Open the door to your heart and politely show them the way out of it.