Lost Inside of Myself…

depression-quotesHave you ever felt like you were lost inside of yourself?  As if the pain of life has beaten you down so badly that you shut down and just want to retreat inside of your shell? Maybe life has thrown so many curve balls your way that you don’t have  a clue on how to deal with each of them. You’re overwhelmed. You’re exhausted… You may not be able to stop crying inside….. Some of us after so much decide once again to simply give up and throw in the towel. We just feel like there is no sense in fighting a losing battle. We start to see ourselves as losers. We start thinking that others do the same… We think we are weak and not worth the dirt on the bottom of our own shoes. This feeling of being lost can be caused by a few things, some you can change. The first step is trying to find out the root of your pain. d4aaf80dbe8fb2572ffa79c617c0a806

I know its tough and I ask a lot of people to look inside themselves. I ask that we all look at the person in the mirror with unclouded eyes. This is one of those times.  Are we the cause of our own lost feelings? Meaning are the choices we make contributing to the hurt that is coursing through our hearts and minds. images (13) I was listening to a radio show that posed the question if a woman has had five  serious relationships and in all of them the man was unfaithful, does this mean that maybe there is something wrong with that woman herself? I thought about it and I think there may not be anything wrong with the woman  but the choices she makes may not be beneficial to her.  True the men may choose to cheat but she also chose the men in her life. Looking for the pattern in her world lets surmise that she is going for the same type of man all the time. Let’s further assume that the men she seeks are very much ladies’ men and have a history of being unfaithful in the past. Maybe not with her but with his exes. She goes out with this guy and falls for him but he has made no move to change his ways, yet she assumes she can change him. That deadly assumption is the leading catalyst for her setting herself up for possible failure.

images (10)We can not change a person simply because we love them. It is impossible to do. That person has to want to change. The only thing we can do is be ACCOUNTABLE to ourselves and the choices we make.  Like in the example above evaluate the people you choose to interact with. Don’t just assume that because things don’t work out it is someone else s fault. If you are feeling lost because of a consistent or sudden loss of love, look for true reasons why that love failed but don’t internalize the pain. Go through that grieving phase as you are meant to and then try to learn from it. Being afraid of pain is fine but hiding from it only makes the fear grow that much stronger. What about it your pain comes from your bleeding heart? Let’s say you the people closest to you have done something so horrible that it hurts you to your core….. How do you handle that type of pain? What if there is no escape in sight? What if you have no way of escaping the torment you feel?

Let’s be real we are all eventually going to be hurt by someone we love. We are all going to have that moment where the person/s we love may do something to us that really shakes our foundation. We may not know where to go afterwards. These are the people that we let our guards down around. images (11)We allow them into that special place in our hearts and when they do something to make you question it you start to rethink yourself. To doubt that feeling . Most of us internalize the pain. That’s when we start seeing ourselves as losers. We don’t understand why the person that we consider to be the best thing since sliced bread can be so callous. So human. Personally I have never been one to share my thoughts or feelings. I used to hide my true self away from the world. One thing that used to shut me down and in some cases still does, is if the person I am talking to is preoccupied, I really dislike it when I am pouring my heart out and  that person is either texting or playing around online. I can’t stand it when someone cuts me off and starts talking about themselves or others . I hated not being listened to, so my response at first was to go quiet. But that silence only served to make my life a nightmare. I would cry myself to sleep and pine for a friend that would actually listen to me and pay attention. I wasn’t expecting them to solve my problems but to be the same type of friend that I am to them.

images (5)I looked through and found the root of my pain was I wanted a true friend. I felt lost because I did not have a person to hold me when I was upset because I was too busy holding someone else through their tears. Whats your root? Identify what makes you feel lost. Everyone is different and that is OK. Your feelings are valid. You feel the way  you do and that is fine.  An old friend of mine years ago used to force me to share. He would redirect me every time after listening to him talk about his world for hours, he expected me to do the same. When I did not have him to talk to I made the decision to seek counseling. The main thing is to release the pain you are feeling. Get rid of it in any way possible. If that feeling of being LOST has no defined reason nor a foreseeable end, try doing what I did and talk to a doctor. Don’t try to self diagnose and immediately assume that it is just depression. It can be, but it can also be a bit more than you can handle. Get healthy. Find yourself again. Evaluate why you do what you do. Be accountable for the decisions you make and don’t be afraid to reach out. Even though you might feel lost you are never alone. (((HUGS)))download (10)

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