More… In life we all want more of something, so it should not be a stretch to admit to wanting more out of your own life…. To wanting more out of your relationship… To wanting more out of your job or even family. That desire for more can be your catalyst to do More. Unfortunately some of us get so bogged down by insecurity and doubt that we don’t think we can have or deserve it. We sell ourselves short constantly by settling for something that is only satisfying for the moment. In other words instead of ordering a steak dinner we buy a bag of chips and walk away hungry. One of the prime areas that we are all guilty of doing this is in our relationships. Most of us operate under the guise of compromise. We just try to get along. We remain silent because its better to agree than risk it all by speaking out.
Compromise is good if the situation is mutually beneficial to all parties involved. It is not good if you are compromising and the person left out is the main person that has to deal with your choice. YOU. We have all been guilty of sacrificing ourself for another. That is a noble gesture but at what point is your sacrifice too much for YOU. In abusive relationships, compromise is one of the biggest justification for staying in a bad situation. We tell ourselves that the ‘Devil we know, is better than the one we don’t’. We make excuses for why he/she did what they did. We change the way that we act, think or dress in an attempt to try to please our abusers. We make concessions on things that used to bring us joy, sometimes to the point of giving everything up. Why? Is this our compromise?
Some of us have internal arguments with ourselves and tell ourselves lies, like ‘We will never find another person to love us’; ‘I am too hard to deal with, no other man or woman will put up with me.’ ; ‘I deserve what is happening because I messed up.’ The subject of worth came to me after my last post. I could not stop thinking about the way that some women and men don’t place enough value in themselves. They don’t take offense to the things that they should because they have LEARNED to desensitize themselves to their own plight. Walking in our journey through life it is Extremely important to have a healthy dose of personal indignation. Get mad. Get angry. Recognize and voice the things that you really do NOT want to compromise on. The same way that you would stand up for yourself to a person hurting you in the street carry that same sense of self-preservation at home. Start saying NO! Fight back mentally. Reclaim your control.
Demand MORE! You deserve to be treated with the same measure of respect that you give others. You deserve to have a voice in things that affect you. You deserve to be given the chance to say NO to the things that you choose. You deserve to not be emotionally battered. You deserve to NOT be physically harmed. It does not matter what you think you have to atone for in the past. No one deserves to be treated horribly. You deserve to be happy. Your past is your PAST! You can’t relive it. Even if it is something that you feel that you should be ashamed of, try hard to stop. Forgive yourself and try to continue to move forward. Your past then can not be used as a battering ram by someone trying to make you feel bad. Who cares if you used to work at a strip club, it was a job. It doesn’t affect your character. Who cares if you have a long line of bad relationships, that may simply mean that you haven’t found yourself yet and have made some poor choices. As you grow, you have to make a conscious decision to break the hold of the past.
Demand More from yourself! Stop allowing yourself to give in to that false sense of comfort. If you were truly comfortable and happy you wouldn’t be pining for MORE. That empty feeling in the pit of your stomach. That hole that needs to be filled but you don’t know with what. That desire to have better. That knowledge that this is not really what you want. Listen to it. Get angry. You don’t have to stay in that abusive relationship. You can find someone new. Stop making excuses. Even if you have never been physically abused, emotional abuse is just as horrid. The ‘Devil you know ‘, can truly be a demon if you don’t do something to change it. the first step is valuing yourself enough to know that you deserve more. Excuses and false compromises need to become a thing of the past. Be accountable to yourself. Understand that it won’t be easy and the way may not always seem clear but it is worth it. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. You are a diamond in disguise. A gem in a room full of stones where you will remain until you start recognizing your own shine. You deserve MORE… Claim it.