When Love Hurts, Is It Worth It?… To YOU?

quotes,love,quote,hurt,truthful,cute-0b0ec6f5093d184ed2f5e7f4d70c2365_hHow does your love feel?… Love can be bittersweet. It can be painful, and can make you want to completely lose it sometimes but it should not hurt. This post is not one about the romantic kind of love but the kind of love that is really not love at all. Obsession, delusion, emotional and physical abuse , psychotic behavior & mental warfare.…all of these things several of us confuse with an excess of emotion. That is far from the truth. Love can make you compose a poem or a song declaring your feelings. That is the normal kind of love. Love does NOT mean stalking a person that has chosen to end a relationship. It does not mean tearing down another being. Love is NOT about possession but is freely given.  To say that you love another means that you will want to do everything in your power to make sure that the person you love is cherished above all others. It means that you have made a mutual commitment to each other for however long fate decides. Every single person alive on this earth, wants to have that soul mate to share their world with. They want to have that person there that will be there through all of the successes, and hold out a hand when we fall. This month more than ever that feeling is intensified. Being February the first thing on every woman’s mind is Feb 14th…Valentine’s day. The one day every year everyone is supposed to have a mate beside them declaring expressions of love and romance.  By the time Feb 7th rolls around most of us are feeling a little anxious and may overlook that which we need to pay close attention to.We start forgiving behavior that should not be forgiven because we don’t want to be alone. Some of this bad behavior can be deadly. And not just a physical death but a spiritual one as well.

own-detrimentLove is not a valid reason for staying where you are. It is not a reason but it is an excuse. Abuse kills the soul. Understand I have been where a lot of women are and it was not a fun time in my life. I understand the fear of being alone because I felt it.  I understand how it feels to want to place so little value in self that we try to rationalize the trauma we face because we assume we can’t do better. Or maybe we are so IN LOVE with the person in our lives that we blind ourselves to the fact that they don’t feel the same. We allow them to treat us like we are worthless because our OBSESSION for them will settle for anything so long as we have them beside us. quotes-22I am NOT a fan of reality shows however a friend of mine was talking about a show where  one of the contestants had two women with whom he stated he did NOT love either of them but he had love FOR them. He then admitted that he was not going to change his womanizing ways so both women should deal with it. He added to his live in girlfriend that he would NEVER be serious about her since she used to be a stripper. …. I have several problems with this, one because it is truly a common occurrence for women. One that doesn’t cause many to bat an eye.images (30) I even saw a little of myself in that situation. My love was extremely good-looking and everything I had dreamed of in a man but he was also NOT a good one. He wasn’t a DOG but he wasn’t the man for me. That didn’t stop me from trying to hold onto him though. Even after he tried to push me away I wouldn’t go. I was like the girl on that show. I was disillusioning myself.

The other thing that really bugged me aside from seeing myself was that neither woman seemed to be upset. Even when he stated that because she was a former stripper, that somehow made her less than worthy to be taken seriously, his girlfriend did not react. What could keep both of these women tied to this man? Surely that is not LOVE. It was far from it. It is Not OK to allow yourself to be treated the way they are allowing themselves to be treated. It is NOT OK to keep being someone’s emotional punching bag. That brings me to the most dangerous LOVE of all the one that causes a person to forget all about self-preservation. LOVE does NOT HIT.man20and20woman20fighting Everyday there is a new story on IDtv’s ‘SNAPPED‘. Every day there is a post uploaded to Facebook, Twitter or Instagram that shows men and women fighting. The fights are being filmed by people as if they are funny or cute and it is disturbing on so many levels…. When did we become so desensitized to violence against women in particular that grown men can stand by and watch another man beating his wife? When did we as women start to feel that it is ok to be hit? When did some of us become so warped to it that we as women, feel that to challenge a man is to be strong? Why are we using our fists more and more in the name of LOVE? What has changed in our lives that violence is seen as so normal that we would rather watch and film before we will intervene with a man literally throwing a woman around the room and slamming her to the ground until she passed out? I saw this in a video on a friend’s Facebook wall and I read the responses of outrage from different people but the audio from the film were of people edging on the fight and laughing. One guy restrained another female that was going to assist the fallen woman.  Everyone in the video looked to be in the mid 20s or younger. Is this what our youth are now doing? Dear Lord, what can we do to change it? My first thought when I saw that atrocity was ” Help her God.” I prayed that she was not seriously injured by the attack and that it taught her a lesson about the man she was with and her friends. Sadly I honestly believed it did not. More than likely she is went back with him a few hours later after things settled down some. images (32)

We have young men and women  becoming stalkers because they are confusing it with love. They are not seeing their behavior as wrong because honestly they are almost emulating exactly what they see on the television. Love is about trust and honesty not possession. I can love you because I trust you . If I trust you I can let you be the person that you are. I don’t need to keep constant tabs on you. I don’t need to smother you. I don’t need to have you as my mouse in a trap. I trust that you love me enough to do right by me. You should be able to trust me the same. I love you enough to not make you do what you do not want to do. images (34)LOVE IS NOT ABUSIVE. But ABUSE can fool you into thinking it is LOVE. Obsession is not healthy. Physical and emotional abuse is like an addictive drug. It is just as caustic as crack. It kills your hope for the future. Don’t keep allowing yourself to be a doormat. It is not ok for anyone male or female to lay hands on you. IT IS NOT OK TO WATCH! It is not OK to simply turn a blind eye. You never know when the next person on film may be someone you know. Maybe your mother, sister, cousin or friend. Instead of simply watching the videos that these cretins post online report them. Start reporting each and every person that you see in them. We need to stop allowing garbage like that video to be seen so freely. Think about your own love…. How does it feel? If you are in a situation like where I was, a one-sided love affair because you are afraid to lose what you already Don’t have, think long and hard about maybe walking away. If your Love is like crack and has you doing things that are dangerous to your health and future, it may not be a true representation of love but your own obsessions clouding your judgement. If your love HITS, then regardless if it is real or not please think of self-preservation first. ‘Til death do us part ‘ is meant to be after a long relationship where we grow old together. It does not mean death tomorrow because we beat each other to death. images (37)

The National Domestic violence has a website you can use for help 24hours a day if needed. http://www.thehotline.org/  1-800-799-7233. Don’t wait too long to save your life.

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