One of the biggest sources of upset and disillusionment for women for so many of us starts at home with our relationships. We all desire to find that perfect mate. We want to be loved. We want to have that romance that is seen on TV or written about in those cheesy romance novels. What we oftentimes fail to remember is that those are fantasy relationships are created by a writer and they are written to be perfect. Men and women do not have the same reactions as those fictional characters so why do we still look at the ones we love with the expectation that they should? In the journey to the new you it is important to also look at your significant other. They are an extension of you after all. If that extension is rife with negativity then it may be time to do some house cleaning. Don’t assume that means you need to change them. You can beat your head against a wall a million times over and you can never make someone ELSE change. What you can change is you and the way that YOU react to THEM.
First step to cleaning house is holding yourself accountable for the things that you have done and the decisions that you have made. It is easy to blame another person for your unhappiness. They don’t love you enough. They don’t listen to you. They don’t love you. They don’t do the things that your friend’s boy/girl friend does. I have been there. I blamed my ex for a lot of my pain. I called him a ‘dog’ and said he was a ‘bad man’. I was bitter because my relationships always seemed to end with the same result. I kept finding the same man no matter where I looked. It was so easy to say that because all of them turned out to be the absolute worst then all men are ready for the pound. It was easy but it was wrong. It wasn’t that the men I was dating were all dogs. I was simply misguiding myself. I based my idea of the perfect relationship on that fictional novel and when it fell short I was left feeling unfulfilled and upset. I also kept CHOOSING the same type of guy. It was like going to a restaurant and ordering the Peking duck and after eating it and finding it tastes like dirt, I kept going back and ordering it again and again. Even though it is the most expensive item on the menu I still payed for it each time. Its the same with relationships. The common denominator in all things is you.
Take off the rose colored glasses. Be objective. Be real. You can not see what you continually keep blinding yourself to. Know what it is you want out of yourself first and then add in what you want out of your relationship. This is crucial because again women and men get so caught up in getting that relationship we fail to plan for it. We don’t know what we really want. One of my biggest pet peeves with this is when women use sex to capture a man’s attention knowing that they want more than just a physical. Remembering who we are we should be able to tell a guy exactly what we want while still wearing our clothes. Don’t beat around the bush. If you present yourself as a two piece chicken dinner don’t be surprised when a guy reacts and doesn’t take you seriously. If he treats you like dirt then there are two things to remember; you hold power over YOU. NO man/woman can make you feel bad about you unless you allow him/her that power. Remembering that fact is not easy when you are in their presence and the person you love is being a jerk. Words can hurt but how you react to them is the way the pain blossoms. By knowing you and being comfortable in your own skin, when faced with someone else’s negativity you have the greatest weapon ever…. SELF CONFIDENCE and validation.
The second thing to remember is that you are worth so much more than you will ever imagine. I tell people sometimes you have to be a little conceited with yourself. You have to place that extreme value over your OWN well being in order to truly value the person in the mirror. The minute you start to see yourself as the gem you are is the day you become one. You are worth a relationship that is not fictional. It will be tailored to you and the way that you think and see life. Your significant other should be an individual that compliments you. Stop looking at the relationship of others. Theirs should only be an example and not a guideline for yours. Watch who you choose to share your world with. While it is true that some men/women can be jerks we still make the choice to be with them. We still decide to continue dealing with them. We choose to keep ordering that unappealing dish. There are no such things as dogs, male or female. There are only the men and women that we choose to interact with and they can only do what we allow them too. You can’t control them so control you. It won’t solve all of the relationship woes you might have but it just might give you the strength to either push forward or walk away.