Letting You Go…

images (6)We all have that one person in our lives that is truly ‘The One” or so we thought until they changed or showed their true colors. Or maybe it was us that changed. Maybe we outgrew them or lost sight of the emotion. We forgot that we once looked at this person with all of the love and innocence of the young and assumed that what we had would grow and last a lifetime. The devastation of knowing that the lifetime we planned wasn’t meant to be, is crippling to think about. Especially if it was really me doing all of the planning and not us. We often hear the phrase “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all“. This statement is true to a point. It is better to have loved but it hurts like heck to lose that love. Sometimes that pain is so strong it will make a person pine for a lover six months to 30 years . What should we do then if that moment of reminiscing becomes too great or coincidentally we meet the object of our affections in the street? Should we try to rekindle the romance that was there in the past or do we move on with our lives content with the memories only?images

When we think of new beginnings like the start of a new year or the change in a new life it is oftentimes better to leave the past in the past no matter how tempting it is. Meaning if a person was toxic to you in the past then time passing may not change that fact. Sometimes it is better to remember that love that was once there and leave it in the past. I understand the pain of wanting to believe that a person has changed but don’t allow that hope to cloud you to the truth.images (2) I understand longing because I have experienced it in more than one way. I remember getting an email out of the blue from a former love of my life and it made my heart skip. I was shocked to hear from him and immediately, I thought about talking to him again. I remembered just in time that he was the toxic person in my world. During the course of our relationship there were three sides to the story. There was my side that romanticized things and saw him as prince charming with tarnished armor; His side that he saw himself as a ladies man and not tied down (to him there really wasn’t a true relationship): and finally there was the truth. Our entire relationship was a lie built on top of a lie. I had blinded myself to his faults and lost myself in him. I did everything to make him happy even to the point where I no longer recognized the woman in the mirror. Our relationship was a lie because I was not real. But then neither was he. He was just as big of a phony as I was. True we were the best of friends and had known each other for years. We shared a loss. We were almost inseparable but we weren’t real unless we were intimate. I say all of this to show how the mind can sometimes trick you into thinking of only the good times and glossing over the truth. In that moment where I got that email I remembered all of the love and good times that I had with him. It wasn’t until I sat contemplating my response that reality hit me like a ton of bricks.

Walking away from the past saved my sanity and is the reason why I am so calm and at peace today. I know that it is not easy to do and not everyone is like me. Not everyone will have someone who was truly a fiend in your story. Not everyone has been through what I have and that is fine. Just remember that just because your fiend wasn’t as bad as mine doesn’t negate that he/she existed. If the person from your past is truly toxic to you don’t get enamored by old emotions. Remember that people can change but allow that person the chance to prove it before you invest your heart again. Don’t be so quick to fall back into the trap of loving someone that hurt you before simply because a time has passed. Be wary. Be smart. images (3)If you start noticing that the feelings you have are simply the residual emotion of yesteryear, maybe it is time to let that person go.  A lot of us try to make that connection because we are searching for closure. Sometimes the closure you need can be found in your own heart. I chose to let my former love go symbolically. I erased him from my life. Not an easy task. But necessary. I will never forget him. I don’t want to, but I no longer feel compelled to reconnect. I no longer felt the pain of the ‘what ifs’ , because I had long since made peace with those. I know that even if he hadn’t changed I have. I am no longer that person, that loved him. I let her go just as I did him. 

downloadThe former you may have had a relationship that ended in heartache and longing but that you is in the past. The present you is free from that if you allow her/him to be so. You are free if you choose to let go of the past and live for the future in the best way you can. You can be happy again in the present and possible future. The past is gone and can’t be relived so let it go.

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