Be who you are and not who your not. In life we all seek to find out who we really are, but how can we truly embrace that new person if we don’t first know who we are NOT. Meaning I can say I am a good person but how will I know that if I don’t know what bad means. I may claim to be a strong woman, but how can I say that if I am still pretending to be someone I saw on TV or on the street. I can say I am a lot of things but who I am really is defined by my character. My character tells me I am a woman to be respected. My character says that I am good. My character says that I am worthy of me.
Know your character. Not your reputation. Think of it like this in politics even the most crooked politicians can have a good reputation. Your reputation can be fueled by lies and stories that we tell or are told about us but that does not prove or disprove who we really are. If you we to objectively view the person in the mirror would you like him/her or would you be instantly filled with distaste. Not because you may not be satisfied with the physical appearance , but lets say you look at yourself as a person. As a man or woman, as a human being. Do you like what you see or do you see a person that needs to change? Everyone should be able to look at themselves at some point in life and say that they love the person staring back at them. We should all be so fortunate to look at who we are and to see exactly the person we want to be. We should see who we desire to be and not who we pretend or don’t want to be.
Some of us have a fear of becoming our parents. We look at the person in the mirror and see all of the things about mom or dad that used to drive us nuts as kids only to find out that we are the same now years later. Mom may have been a worrier and constantly nagging or dad may have been aloof to all things. Either way we sometimes pick up those habits and then surprise ourselves when we start to do what they do. What about if the person you are on the outside is not a direct reflection of anyone that you know? What if the real you is being hidden under layers upon layers of false personas that you have picked up over the years? What if you have forgotten who you really are? How do you even know if the layers aren’t more than just window dressing but a real part of you?
- Ask yourself ” Who am I really?” This question can not be answered by anyone but you. The answer to who you are can not be given to you by a therapist, friend or relative. You have to eventually find out the person in the mirror yourself. In order to do that stop looking outside of the mirror for ideas and start looking internally.
- Know what you desire to find before you go looking. If you desire to be a ‘good’ person and seek that in your image find out if you really are good. Good doesn’t just mean going to church on Sunday and giving to the goodwill twice a year. Good is not a trophy to be won. If you are a good person you don’t need to prove it in words. It will show in your deeds. In your heart and actions. You won’t have to claim to be good people will see it.
- Know what you do NOT want to be. For a lot of women this is the biggest thing that they can not seem to grasp. Most know who they want to be but they do not know who they are not. They allow what they want to dictate who they are at that moment in time. We see this so many times in women that try to emulate the sexy divas or the promiscuous women of the world that they assume men covet. They look at that woman as the competition and seek to be just like her since it can gain what they ultimately want. A desired man or relationship. The biggest drawback to this is that some of us don’t know when to turn it off. We are in a constant state of imitation and in some cases have forgotten who the person in the mirror really was.
Too many of us do not recognize that it is OK to be an individual. Pretending to be an image that you see is not being you. Looking at yourself and hating the life you lead because you are not getting the desired effects is not the way to go. Once again looking at women for a lot of us that portray an image we claim to be sexually free and adventurous and yet be secretly desire to be the wife or mother at home. We know what we want but how do we get that. In order to get more choices a lot of us look at the men around us and use sex as a way to get attention. We might assume that by being the sex goddess that only women assume is the desired by men, that man that we have fallen in love with will look beyond the physical and recognize the woman underneath. News flash! He may not ever notice that because you are not portraying that image to him. Pretending to be ‘community property’ is the worse disservice a woman can ever do to herself. You do not have to be Clair Huxtable or Carol Brady but you can be the woman that you are. Don’t hide behind your body. It can only carry you so far. Mentally, emotionally and psychologically find out who you really are and what you truly desire to be. Portray that. Know what you want. Know what you don’t want. Be individual enough to accept that what you desire may be outside of others but that doesn’t mean it is wrong only that it is YOUR path. Think singular and not in terms of what you see or hear. Think about only the things that the person in the mirror is truly comfortable with in the light of day, completely naked of all layers. Be you. Be true to you. You are who you are and that is OK.
- Sex, Sociology and the Single Girl (douthat.blogs.nytimes.com)
- Why Being A Saint And A Sinner Is The Most Desirable Trait In A Woman (elitedaily.com)