He Loves Me… Not Really But I DO!….

download (33)Have you ever tried listening to some of the old school radio stations and the multitudes of love songs that come on? If you weren’t in love when you turned on the music you are now…. The heart can play several tricks on the mind and have you pining for lost loves… The relationship you are in now suddenly becomes elevated to a full blown romance, even if no declarations of love have been made…. Some songs will have  us wishing for the man or woman of yesteryear that we know for a fact was the worst decision we ever made. We start imagining the ‘what ifs‘ and ‘maybes‘…. Second guessing our choices, to verify if maybe we acted too hastily or if we were right to walk away….   For some of us that are single these songs can be a little depressing, especially this time of year. Don’t let that loneliness set you back. Its OK to think on the past… To reminiscence… It is OK to simply wonder ‘what if?’. It is OK to smile… It is OK to be alone78787878888888878878A lot of us are terrified of being alone. We are afraid to not wake up next to someone. We are afraid to not have someone to take us out or to take out. We are ashamed to say we are single.  Don’t let your desire to be loved trap you in a relationship with someone that is toxic to you. Being alone is not the end of the world. Your best friend and partner for life is always with you. They see the real you, laugh at all of your jokes and adore your hair. That person is the woman/man staring back at you in the mirror each morning. You are not alone because you have you.

454545485748784Being in a relationship is tough, wonderful, good and bad  all at the same time. It is good when the person you are with is supportive and caring. When you both have mutual respect for the other person and are willing to give each other 100% of yourselves without compromising or losing yourself in them. It is not good when you can no longer see yourself period. Even though you may have been with this person for years and may genuinely love them, that does not mean they make you happy nor does it mean they are meant to be in your future. A man or woman that is ‘toxic’ to you is not going to necessarily have a hazard symbol tattooed on their forehead. The things that make them bad for you are personal but can be universal. Ask yourself honestly “Am I really happy?”; “Do I have a voice?”; “Does my relationship define me?”; “Am I my own or am I simply someone’s wife/girlfriend?”. Your answers to any of these questions should sit well with you as an individual.

Honestly look at the person that holds your heart and decide whether or not they are truly worthy of you. We all have a tendency to compromise in relationships but know that compromise can sometimes seem like slavery if you don’t know when to cut the strings. Stop making excuses and hold him/her accountable to you and your feelings as well as their own. Don’t just listen to the words ‘I love you’ expect the sentiment to be shown and reciprocated. If someone loves you they will want the best for you. They will want to see you grow and succeed. They will show you respect as an individual. They will be your mate and not your master. hurt-sad-alone-womanYour spouse is your friend but he/she does not have to be your only friend. You are both halves of a total unit. You should complete and compliment each other.Your world should not crumble only shudder if that person is no longer there. You are still alive even if your heart is broken.

2dQ1ISRListening to the sappy music should make you think but it should never make you feel sad and depressed. Being alone is not as bad as you think. I am in love with myself. I truly love me. I am never alone because I have me. I am not vain… I am simply accepting of myself. I am not perfect by any means and neither are you. In fact I don’t want to be. The fact that I am a single woman, nearing a certain age that has the number four in it, does not mean that I am bitter or lonely. I am actually quite happy with life. You should feel the same. Being in a relationship is not the cure all for a lack of self love. It doesn’t take away lonely if you are dependent upon him/her to solve the emptiness inside of you. It will only mask things until the moment after a breakup you really are alone…. You are not defined by your relationship. You are defined by how you see you.

Forget about the other person in your life right now and think solely of you. What are the things YOU LOVE ABOUT YOU? Look beyond the physical and into the spiritual and mental you. What do you love about you? What would you change? How would changing things help you to love you more? Begin to court yourself. Do the things that make you fall in love with yourself. You are amazingly complex. Wonderfully unique… Fabulous beyond words… What’s not to love about you? Find out the reasons why you are the first love of your life. Once you begin to value and care about the person in the mirror, even if the person you love doesn’t see how special you are it won’t change how you see yourself. You are still worthy of you. You are still astounding even if you are married, divorced, single, getting older, going grey, or thicker in certain areas. You are truly magnificent and perfectly imperfect and I accept you. You are not alone if you stare in a mirror you will see the best company there ever was.4545454545454545554545545

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