I am My Mother’s Daughter…

unnamedI am my mother’s daughter. I am the youngest child of two  and I look the most like my mommy. A while ago I started writing on the evolution of women and in turn I looked at myself and my life. As I thought over my childhood and the things that occurred I realized that the statement above is more than just a figure of speech. I really am my mother’s daughter. There are so many things parallel in our lives that are not just coincidence but seem like fate. We both had two children: Her two girls, and me two boys.We are both divorced. We are both stubborn and very independent. We each have big hearts except I wear mine on my sleeve instead of covering it under my coat of strength. I am a lot more open to change while she is a little more traditional and conservative. All of these things make us the same yet different.945301_641432422553567_1363090327_n

My mother had a tough life, not bad but not easy. When we were little I used to think she was very impersonal and at times I felt she didn’t care. I look at the past now and I realize that she always did. My mom has been the one constant in my life. No matter what we had to overcome and deal with she was always there. She may not have done things the way I would have but it doesn’t negate the fact that she tried. She was and still is my HERO. Looking back at the future put things in perspective for me because of the close similarities of between us. I started looking into the rest of the women in my family and I recognized that there was a cycle there that I needed to break even though at the time I had no idea how.

  • My mother grew up feeling isolated , alone and had a poor self image. When me and my sister were born she did not have a validated identity of her own. She grew up and did not know who she was. She still had the example of a lady from my grandmother to use as her guide to being a lady but being a woman, wife, mother combo was a little lost. Especially after my grandmother passed away. She was young and unsure.


  • My mother was in an abusive relationship. My sister and I were affected and abused…. Following the breadcrumbs of cycles its no stretch that I found myself in one.
  • I grew up without a Validated Identity: Until I was in my thirties I had no clue whom I was. Sure I was aware of myself but I had no idea what that meant. It took me years of struggle to finally understand what it means to accept me completely.
  • My mother struggled with her weight. And had self image issues. So do I. We both were never really big. We each never got to be over more than a size 14 but we always we felt we needed to be smaller. Even now being a size ten we both each want to be thinner still.

922654_617866371576839_1023696318_oThe list goes on and on with the things about me and my mother that are the same. The cycle within our lives is very evident to me and I am doing all that I can to break it. One difference is I have two boys but that doesn’t mean that they can’t learn from me how to have a true identity. Hopefully they can look at the life I have led and the way that they were raised to become stronger men and not look to others for guidance on being their own person.We are all stronger than we can imagine. It is never too late to change who we are. My mother over the past few years has evolved. She has become more confident in herself and is truly amazing to watch. I can freely walk up to her and say ‘I Love You’ and have her repeat it in kind. She is my hero of heroes. She has taught me to be a true ‘Victor‘. She is the best. unnamed (1)

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