Life has been hard and thrown a few curve balls your way… You have a few bruises and bumps from the journey you have embarked on …. You are weathered and worn… You are tired… So tired… After all of that you still have the choice to decide how you see the trials you have faced. You can either choose to be a VICTIM or a VICTOR. Sure life has not been easy and I understand the feeling of not wanting to struggle and fight any longer. To lay down and rest without worrying about the future. I understand the lure of ignorant bliss. But hiding your head in the sand is not going to make the problems go away. And neither is being the whipping post of your own destructive mind.
There is no such thing as a victim in my mind. Some of us have gone through issues of abuse both physically and mentally and yet we survived it. Some of us have been attacked and had to fight for survival, yet we survived. Some of us have been treated like the scum of the earth simply for being different and yet we survive. What about that horrible childhood? Or that disease that ravaged our bodies?… Yes we survived that too….That makes us SURVIVORS not VICTIMS.Choosing to not be a victim is pivotal in growing a thicker skin over the pain of the past. Some scars are not meant to be forgotten but they do not have to rule the rest of your life. Let go of what you can not change. Memories are supposed to fade once the lesson is learned. If that lesson is important it will remain important even through the passage of time.
We talked about being a prisoner of you. Of holding yourself hostage with the things that we say or do. This extends into holding unto the pain in your life and looking at yourself as a victim. That ‘Whoa is me’ cry should have no place in your mouth or mind. People say things like ‘ There is always somebody worse off than you.’ as if the fact that someone else is suffering should lessen our individual pain. News flash! It doesn’t. To me everything that happens and the way that I react to it is entirely my deal. Its not that we don’t care about them, but knowing that someone is starving in another country is not going to make me feel better about being a battered woman. Its is not going to change the feeling I have of poor self image due to being bullied and harassed. It doesn’t lessen their burden and it doesn’t change the hurt that I feel in this moment.
- Accept responsibility for your own actions. In the voyage to survival, sometimes the key to moving beyond certain issues is acceptance of culpability. Not everything is the fault of an outside party or circumstance. Sometimes we are the instruments of our own headache. For instance, imagine going in to work every day an hour late until you have been written up so many times you get fired… Is the reason because your boss is a jerk or did you mess up? What about in a relationship and you are constantly accusing your spouse of infidelity without proof, hanging out all night, treating that person like crap? If they leave is it because they were never in love, or they were too lazy to fight to save the relationship? Could it not also be even though you did not force them to leave , you share half the blame?
- Understand that oftentimes we choose our own poison. I hear men and women say all the time ‘There are no good men or women out there’. That is an untruth. There are good men and women its just that we keep choosing the wrong ones for us. That is not the fault of the man or woman but the person in the mirror. Change you and change your choices and maybe the man or woman you attract will be the better person for you because you are better.
- Someone may have hurt you but they do not hold power over you. There are literally millions of survivors of different crimes against them. Whether it be molestation as a child, battery, assault or mental devastation once you have escaped the torment work on removing the power of that moment. You don’t have to forget it but allow the memory to fade as it should. Take control of you. Live for you. Forgive yourself if you can not forgive the one that hurt you. Release the pain that you carry. Don’t allow the one who hurt you the pleasure of knowing you are still hurt.
You hold control over how you see you. You are never a victim only a survivor! As a survivor you deserve to be the VICTOR. Be happy. Be free. Be accountable. Be alive. You can’t change the past but all doors to the future are open if you choose to see them as such.