While listening to a conversation a friend of mine was having with another young woman it struck me that each of them had no true sense of their own worth in their relationship. It is easy for so many of us to lose ourselves in our attempt to find the perfect mate. Oftentimes we assume a totally different persona than the our true selves because we assume that the person we love will not love us in return if we were truly honest. We don’t feel that the real us is worthy of that person. Have you once thought to ask is that person really worthy of YOU? You have to first be the King or Queen to your own castle before you can find a mate that is WORTHY of standing by your side.
Finding worth in yourself is tough. Especially when we can not be objective in our views of the person in the mirror. We are our worst critics and as such we have a tendency to assume that every fault we have is larger than it really is. We count ourselves out because we don’t like what we see. We tell ourselves that we are not pretty or handsome enough. We put ourselves down because of our size. We talk about our hair and appearances. We find a way of exaggerating everything bad about ourselves to ourselves. In other words its not really that person that thinks you aren’t worthy. YOU think YOU are unworthy.
When you hide the true you, the only thing you are accomplishing is confirming the belief that you are not good enough. For me, I found myself as an ‘appendage’ of my boyfriend. My identity became whatever made him comfortable. Eventually I began to hate the fake me. I wanted to laugh and be silly but my fake persona would not be able pull off that lapse in role play. After years of torment, I released myself from the prison of my own making. Of course my relationship did not last long after that but it didn’t matter because I was finally worthy of ME. The real ME. I freed myself of the idea of being his shadow and became my own reflection. Many of you are like me and still in prison. Its time to open the doors.
- The first step is acknowledging the problem. Are you really happy in your relationship? … Do you have a two different personas?… Are you a different person with friends and family than with your significant other?… Why?… Your relationship should be an extension of you… Are you proud of the alter you? Or do you have to take a deep breath and force yourself to smile every time you don the mask? If you are having issue with these questions it might be time to change.
- Imagine this step ladies like you have been at work all day and finally home, you remove your bra. That satisfying moment when you are finally free of the constraints of that medieval torture device….Ahhh… Pure bliss right? It should be the same feeling when you shed yourself of the fake you. You are free at last. You know that eventually you may have to put on that bra again on tomorrow but for now you are in heaven. In this case don’t pick up your old fake identity again. It’s time to find a different one. The true one.
- It will be uncomfortable at first being in your own skin. That is normal. Accept it and continue on. Start doing all of the things that make you happy. If it is something about you that you want to change but have never been able to in the past do it now. It is your time to be you. Do what makes your personality shine .
- Be confident if your validated identity. Smile every time you want to smile. Laugh when you want to laugh. Be silly. Be serious. Just be you.
Once you decide to let you be you then you will truly be WORTHY OF YOU. You deserve to have someone love the real you. More importantly you deserve to feel confident enough in yourself to simply be your reflection. Your significant other is not better than you nor are they the worth losing yourself within them. Your voice is just as important. Your personality is just as fun. Your appearance is just as attractive. Your life has just as much meaning. Once you acknowledge that fact you may look at them differently. They may not have the same appeal to you any longer. You are no longer blinding yourself and putting them above you. You will finally see that you are just as fabulous as you assumed they were.