HAPPY HALLOWEEN! What do you fear?

SCARYHALLOWEEN IS HERE! What is it that you fear? Spiders, snakes, failure, being alone or creepy guys wearing spandex shorts, an eye patch and flip flops? Whatever scares you on this day imagine if you could overcome all of those things at once. Personally I have severe arachnophobia. Just the thought of those eight legged monsters will have me my skin crawling for hours. Even greater than that, years ago, was my fear of being alone. Not alone in the dark but alone romantically/ emotionally… I could not wrap my mind around NOT having love..

Many of you have experienced the same fear. It’s easy for some to look at that and scoff in derision but for the rest of us it took a while to get beyond ‘the crippling fear of loneliness’… I know that phrase sounds like something from a Vincent Price movie.  (In my ghostly voice) “The crippling fear of loneliness “ ….  is valid but it can be overcome. That’s the good news! The bad news is it will take a LOT of work on yourself to do it. We must first look at reasons why we fear being alone and then break them down until there is nothing left to validate their purpose.

  • Love… We are all wonderfully human and because of that we seek to find the perfect mate. There is nothing wrong with that. It is biologically inherent in all of us. What is not normal is our desperation to not be alone that we settle for anything.  We will latch on to the worst possible man or woman because they are convenient and some of us assume we cannot do any worse. We don’t take into account that we could do so much better.  I’m not taking about the truly unattractive boyfriend or girlfriend. That is just the physical. I am talking the truly toxic men and women that steal away our joy life a thief in broad daylight.download (11)
  • Financial Stability:  Sometimes being alone means that you will have to adjust to a more frugal way of life but that too is not as bad as we make it out to be.  Sure we all may not have the giant home and awesome bank account. We may take a little longer to get that dream car but again it can be done. Be patient. Staying with a toxic person for finances is not going to benefit you in the end.
  • Sexual Gratification:  Let’s be honest and understand that we are human and the desire for physical comfort is strong.  This is nature’s work and cannot be denied only disciplined. Some of us men and women will put up with some really trifling things if the sex at home is good. Even though we would like to say differently. It’s funny and disturbing how many stories there are about couples hating each other outside of the bedroom.  “I love you.. until I wake up next to you…”

CUTEThere are dozens of other reasons why we fear being alone far too many for me to go into but each one can be broken down just as easy.

  • Fall in LOVE with YOURSELF…  There will always be the desire for love and companionship, but if you are comfortable with yourself and truly love your own company that desire will be lessened. You will gain a stronger since of whom you are and what you can deal with. You will be more refined in your choice of mate so when Jake the snake or Tina the terrible comes your way you can honestly walk away without fear.
  • Financial stability is tough but we can make it on single incomes if we use things like budgeting and living for the money that we have now, while saving for the future.
  • Sexual Gratification is the hardest of them all since there is so much temptation out there it would be hard-pressed for even some in clergy to not entertain thoughts. Instead of depriving yourself of a sexual identity embrace it and learn to separate your sexual identity from your emotional one. Not saying go out and lay the world but simply if you have an itch scratch it.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.  Except for spiders there is nothing that can’t be overcome by breaking it down and looking at it objectively. Have a safe and exciting Halloween! Blah! Blah! Blah!download (12)

Being comfortable, being you since that’s you only competition….

Image Your only competition is the person staring back at you in the mirror. As women it is easy to look in the mirror and see ourselves through critical eyes. We compare ourselves to the images of perfection that we see in the media. We look at airbrushed and photo shopped pics on instagram or Facebook and judge ourselves because we don’t look the way that some of the women on there do, when the truth is neither do they. Almost all of the pictures you see in the media have been doctored so how is that perfection? Women look at each other and the first thing we do is immediately sum each other up. Unconsciously we are competing against each other but why?

  • You are amazing just the way you are. So what if you have stretch marks. They mean either on or two things. Either you had a baby or you lost weight. Both things to be proud of. Wear those stripes with pride.Image
  • Beauty comes in different sizes. Just because Angelina Jolie is 95lbs or Nicki Minaj has a butt the size of the titanic doesn’t mean you are any less sexy. Stop worrying about what YOU think men feel is sexy and worry about what YOU Feel is Sexy or Beautiful for YOU!   

Be comfortable with YOU. Looking at the woman in the mirror with pride is a three fold process.

  • First look at yourself… really look at YOU. Not just your reflection but the real you. There in the comfort of your own home look at yourself completely without any pretenses. There is no need to pretend with you. No need to suck it in or put on a false smile.  Just look at yourself. Hold that for a few moments until its starts to get uncomfortable and foolish and then close your eyes and wish everything about you would change…. Hold for a moment. Now open your eyes again and see you. No matter how much you want to change the reflection you can’t. Even after you closed your eyes the real you is still there in the mirror. That is fine. Accept that. You are still breathing even though Beyonce’ isn’t staring back at you in the glass. That unchanged you is beautiful because she is UNIQUELY you.
  • You are Unique! Accept that each of your imperfections make up the person you are. Embrace them but don’t wear them like a badge of honor. Physically you have the power to change what you see. It may take a lot of work but you can change it if you want it. Don’t confuse accepting yourself with everyone accepting you. One of the biggest problems women face is the saying that “People should accept me for who I am.” No people do not have to accept you for who you are. You have to accept yourself with the understanding that YOU are not going to be everyone’s preference.
  • Be a reflection of what you want people to be to you. If you want love give love to others. Not hate. If you want respect show others respect and earn it by your actions.  If you want honesty.. be honest with others and not deceitful. We really do get in return whatever we dish out so be sure that what you put out to others is what you want in return. Image